Hi Love_Jones. I just ran across your posts and I am glad to have read them. Kind of gave me some insight into my own situation. I commend you for sticking it out for a year. I totally understand how you may feel like you don't want to work it out. I have been seperated from my husband for a little over 2 months now and it hurts like hell. I get the same push pull reaction. He opens the door I try to come in and he slams it in my face. I too know my h well and know that crying, begging, nagging will just push him away even more. I have been down this road before with him when we were dating so I kind of know that going dark is the way. The thing is we do have a kid and he comes by daily to see our son. That makes it hard because he looks so damn good and hell it has been 2mths, but also because I do miss him. I don't miss the fights, I don't miss the moodiness, I don't even miss the daily cooking. I do miss having someone to share a joke with. I miss going to the movies with him. I miss hearing about his day. For me it is especially hard because my h has been a fixture in my life since I was 11. We were best friends for many years before we started dating. I have not only lost an h, but also a friend. It sucks. I asked him to leave because I got tired of hearing about him not being happy and thinking this marriage was not going to work. I kind of suspected he was cheating and I knew the day would come when he would start consistently coming home late or not at all. I knew I would loose my mind when that happened so I asked him to go. He fought me on it at first, but then he agreed. He has been gone since 10/31/07. I would love for him to come back but we have so many issues to work on. I am in school and so much of the financial burden falls on him. Coming home now would be a mistake, but I would love to at least start dating and laying the ground work for starting over when I am done with school in May. Don't know if this will happen. I am getting that he does not ever plan on coming back. What I don't understand is how can a man who is good enough to pay all the bills while he is away, travel at least 1hr a day to see his son every day be such a mean bastard to me. I have not been the perfect wife, but I don't deserve what I am getting. How come I gave him the space to be free, yet he is angry with me? Shouldn't I be the one angry? I have to face my life as a single mom, something I never wanted. How come after how bad I I have been treated I am the one pouring my heart out on on this board at midnight and he is sleeping pretty? How come after all this madness I still want my marriage to work?
Okay so there is my rant and some of my story. Anyway, I reached out to you because I thought you might be African-American. Is that so? I kind of wanted to get the perspective of another African-American woman. Marriage in our comminity (if you are AA) is almost non existent and I think it is one of the reasons that we struggle financially and otherwise. I think it is so important for my son not to be from a broken home. I don't want him to be another stat. My H is a good provider and good dad, but I want him to also understand how being a good dad ties into being a good husband and being with his family.
