once the clock is ticking and you are in divorce all expectations you have about him must end. You need to emotionally detach and expect this divorce... and live that way. And live happy and healthy with that.
I am getting better at detaching but as some of you know, I need to be reminded that all deals are off and we are d'ing no matter how much he professes his love to me.
I do have to say that I have not said one word to him about staying together in the past couple of weeks. Only that D is the only option at this point.
Originally Posted By: runningoutoftime
From everything you've described this is a guy really struggling with letting you go in spite of being completely addicted to OW.
I don't even get it... For someone who is soooooooo in love and planning his future w/ow, he sure seems to still be attached to me.
I just got my new VS order today.. You know.. for those "other guys"
Originally Posted By: runningoutoftime
And they also helped me feel better about myself after having been displaced by a woman 10 years younger and much more professionally successful than me.
Well.. this one IS 7 years younger, and about 8 inches shorter, and about 10 pounds heavier, and ... well.. we won't even go into the career thing..
Originally Posted By: runningoutoftime
Anyhow.... one thing recommended by the DBing coach I spoke with was to be mysterious. I think this was wise advice.
I REALLY need help here. I am the least mysterious girl around!
SO ROOT.. how long after filing, did your H finally figure it out??
I just got my new VS order today.. You know.. for thos "other guys"
Damn, I'm jealous. No, not because I need new "VS" stuff but because there's something really mysterious about that!! Definitely giving him something to think about.
My W did buy some shirts, pants and a nice turtle-neck sweater for me for Christmas. I had to pick up S8 from school today so I was sure to wear the new sweater, looked my best and went out to mingle with the SAHM's.
Just before the bomb W mentioned how I was cracking up one of the SAHM's at a bar we went to. I made sure to mention my seeing her today (twice actually, at pick up for S8 and after D13's cheerleading gig). W was not thrilled - of course her mood has taken a turn for the worse, not sure if it's related...
Latest Thread
Me: 39/W: 37 D13-D11-S8 M/T 14/20
EA confirmed: 9/13/07 D-Bomb: 9/19/07 OM Gone since 12/18/07 W wants to fix marriage: 3/16/07
Good for you with the VS stuff!!!!! Make sure you start wearing plunging necklines and low slung pants with black or red thong underware that he can see when you bend down to pick up your purse as you head out for a Saturday night with girlfriends!!!!
Or at least he "thinks" you are going out with girlfriends.... even if you are just going to the bookstore to hang out and read books... and get coffee -or a chocolate martini at Elephant Bar!!!!.... yes, by yourself! It's okay!!!! Bring along a little notepad to write thoughts down and keep busy at the bar... and then head off to shopping at a 24 hr Walmart! Get more thong underware!!!! Hee hee!!!).
Mysterious.... well.... that means that you start acting as living like you have another life. Just stop telling him everything about your life. When you talk with him focus on him and the details about his life. Turn everything to him. Like you are moving on (even if you don't feel like it). The problem is, once they file I think it's important that they start to understand what it's going to be like to lose you (while at the same time making a great impression). Right now the whole thing has been pretty gradual for your husband (and you too), but you need to start moving forward. The exciting thing is your life is wide open. He's stuck with OW and she is obviously no prize if she's hooking into a married man who will definitely come with baggage... but you have a chance to really find someone great. And you have to now really BELIEVE IN YOURSELF... and how wonderful you really are. And how lucky some guy is going to be to get a great, honest, strong, beautiful woman like you. And this is something your attitude should convey to your husband and the world around you.
A woman like you who is honest, supportive of her man, doesn't cheat, works hard to keep a relationship together, builds a great family, is a great mom, wife, etc.... IS A GEM!!!!! Anyhow, this is something you need to build. Be amazing.
Tell your husband you have plans tomorrow night and you need him to watch the kids. If he asks what you are doing, say you are going out with some girlfriends for dinner.... then dress and look AMAZING!!!! Totally sexy.... then go out to Borders or Barnes and Nobel books and start reading about men/relationships/etc.... Then start practicing the things you learn about how to attract men and build relationships on your husband (since he's convenient). Basically, think of him as a "stand in" for the future guys you'll be meeting. This is practice.
Make sure you don't come home until 1 a.m.... and then if he asks details.... be evasive. Don't tell him anything... turn the conversation to him. But do smile a lot like you are thinking about the great time you had. He will start to wonder and that's good for him. He needs to learn what this feels like.
My husband was completely CERTAIN he wanted to divorce me. There was no wavering for many months. We were in divorce for about 7 months before he contacted his lawyer to stop it. I don't know about your state. You may not have as much time as me. But the longer you can draw it out (even if it does end in the divorce) I think the better for everyone involved. Use the time for your own personal healing and growth. That's the way I approached it. I saw it as a time for me to focus in on myself and try to improve me.
Another thing, keep this in mind... I felt this was important. Make sure you are so wonderful that OW can't live up to you and he will eventually, at some point, even if too late.... regret it. Don't ever give him reason or satisfaction to think you are a bit@h.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Or at least he "thinks" you are going out with girlfriends.... even if you are just going to the bookstore to hang out and read books... and get coffee -or a chocolate martini at Elephant Bar!!!!.... yes, by yourself! It's okay!!!! Bring along a little notepad to write thoughts down and keep busy at the bar... and then head off to shopping at a 24 hr Walmart! Get more thong underware!!!! Hee hee!!!).
Hey stop following me on my BIG nights out!!! lmfao!!! Well, all that, minus the thong...they really bug me.
Miss Olive, get out there. Go have fun. Do it! H can take care of D, you deserve it!
No no no.... you need that thong. Even if you only wear it before you leave and then change when you get out. You'd be amazed at what a little "peek" of thong can do.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Good advice here. I think I will get some thongs too, even though they are so uncomfortable. Yes, LO, definitely be sexy, even for Walmart!!
Good for you not mentioning anything about D. Your H will find all kinds of excuse for staying with OW, and most of them will not make sense to any of us LBS. There seems to be an alternate thinking mode that is turned on.
