MLC's come home-part 2

[TRUSTING]

Several years back when my ex was beginning his crisis, but I did not know it at the time, he said to me "If we get divorced, we can always get remarried".

I thought at the time, what a weird statement, we are so happy. I just thought he was joking, or kidding around. I really did not pay much attention to it.

Now I realize he at that time was in a deep emotional affair and struggling with his morality and what he was doing.

My ex is one that always has to start anew. If he has failed at something he has to start completely over until he gets it right.

I believe my ex needed to get divorced. He in a sense forced me into it by his behavior both financially and morally.

He will either start over with me or find another. Only time will tell. I am feeling very detached lately. My heart does not ache as much as it use to. I don't have a lot of anxiety anymore when I see him.

I am worried that if I ever get him back, I will toss him away. Just like he did to me and the family. I wonder if this is more of a challenge for me than anything now. I am a very competitive person and I always like my way and I always like to win (I'm working on this). I am afraid that it might be too late for me.

To be intimate with him again turns my stomach. Not because I don't love him anymore, but because he has completely and utterly hurt all the people I love. Can you really give yourself completely to someone who you lost faith in?

Don't get me wrong, I am still standing. I pray alot about this hoping that God will give me the strength.