I just want to make it better. . .

[seekpeaceofmind]

I have been in IC and he agreed to MC when he moved out. He keeps stressing his ambivalence, but doesn't move one way or the other toward working on the M or fully moving out and filing. We have had only 5 sessions - the last one was 12/26. In the 4th session, he claimed that I had isolated him from his family and friends over the years - but all of the specific examples he gave were just not true. I don't know if he really believes his version of reality or if it is just easier for him to make these claims than to deal with reality.

In the last (5th) session, I decided to shut up as much as possible so that he would do more of the talking. He came out with the statement that the root issue for him is that he wants to spend more time with his family and friends. Everyone that he wants to see lives at least an hour's drive from our home and our work is further yet. Before he moved out, he was spending every Saturday visiting his father. He described wanted to make drop in visits - such as stop by and see his father for 15 minutes to say hi and then move on.

When he talked about wanting to get together with various friends for a beer, I said it sounded like he wants to be single - not because I have a problem with him doing that but because he made it sound like he just wants to come and go without any ties at home. I wish I had sounded more validating, but I was stunned by what he was saying. The inference was I'm some kind of shrew who kept him on tight leash. I also just couldn't take in that this is the problem. I also said it sounds like he would like to move to another area - which of course he did do, but when I've talked about moving in the past he hasn't been responsive or wanted to pursue. At the time we hit crisis point he said didn't pursue moving because (unbeknown to me) he wasn't sure of our marital status. So frustrating.

So, anyway, the MC then asked if we could address these issues that my H was raising and what effect that would have on us getting back together. I said that we could absolutely work out a resolution to his concerns and that I thought this was completely fixable. H said he had to adjust - that he feels like he's been pushing against a closed door and now its suddenly open. So he was unresponsive really. No breakthrough. I really question whether this is the real issue -but I can only go by what he says.