(Corri) Do not disdain it simply because you cannot fathom it.
Fair point. In Lou's case, my impression is that you're encouraging him to at least partially mold himself into his partner's (non-Other) version of him. I suspect that would be at least as dangerous as him trying to mold her into his (non-Other) version of her.
I have a new pet theory. My old pet theory, "Women don't want to be respected but they want to be valued," is still a theory of mine but can no longer claim pet status. My new pet theory is that the entirety of human wisdom can be gleaned from the comic stylings of Eddie Izzard if one just looks hard enough. For instance, the whole "I acknowledge you as Other vs. I see you as an extension of myself" thing is described in the following 50 second clip, disguised as a bit about Britain and India:
