imLin, if you remember, the main reason I did not walk away before was b/c I could not support myself. I know I could stay with my mother if I had to, but I don't want to do that. It was part of this kind of "stuff" that I have to deal with all the time that has done something to me over the years that was building to a peek when I met OM. (Combined with all the other things I've told you about.) I don't know how to explain it and if I try to talk to H about it, he just makes me feel like there is something wrong with me to act like that, or else he doesn't say anything at all and I leave feeling more hopeless than ever.
When I came home from work today, the guys had been trying to get some things moved. So, hopefully, the cars are on their way out of here. As far as the dog, my H isn't giving me enough support about it b/c I think he wants to keep it....not in a cage but if we could fence in the back yard. It's not like my GS is a little boy, he is almost 22 and it would cause a lot of hard feelings if I took it upon myself to give his dog away. I think the GS would just go get him back and then take him to his girlfriend's house and they would have to keep him tied and that would be much worse. I don't want that. Yes, it's my home, etc., but it's his dog. That is why I was hoping he would eventually give in and set it free.
I hope all of you that have been so wonderful in responding to this particular stitch will understand what I'm about to say here. But, it has surprised me to see your response to be as strong as it has b/c my H and I have went through much more serious things than this. Over these 42 years, I've had to deal with a lot of frustration b/c of the type of .....shall I say "personality trait" my H has. So, in a weird way, this is almost funny. Not really "funny", but just the fact that all of you came to my "rescue" like you did and took it seriously (which I appreciate so very much), but I think H would think it was kind of silly for everyone to be so "worked up" about it.
However, he still has done nothing about getting what my DIL needs for the taxes and doesn't seem worried about it. But, I have made the statement to my family and I will stick to it.....if he should do anything that would cause me to lose my home after all these years, I will go stay with my mother if I have to.
Years ago, I was about to go into a small cosmetic business and borrowed money to get it going. As soon as I deposited it into our checking account, the IRS grabbed it up b/c thay had placed a lean on our account and we didn't even know about it. That hurt me so badly. I had to pay back the money I had borrowed, plus the interest and the IRS plus late fees. So, I think I figured it to come out to almost 50% over what we borrowed that we had to pay back. And I resented him for distroying any chance of me having a start at that business. It's things like that that I have said before that rub down into the nerves after so many years when you don't see things getting better. I thought for a wile they were getting better, but now I think he was just borrowing money from the bank. So now we have everything we own hocked.....even those old cars, so guess that will be the end of borrowing for a while. The only thing, he keeps using our home for collateral. When he found out about the OM, he almost stopped working b/c he got months behind in the payments and I was so scared we were going to lose our home. That is when I told my mother that if it were to happen that I was through with it.
We were taught in our church that the H is to be the head of the home. Therefore it makes if very difficult for me to just over-ride him on major things like this. If he nearly had a stroke the day I took it upon myself to clean off his desk and throw out a lot of old papers (that was simply trash) then can you imagine what would happen if I stepped in and took over with all of this? I probably would be looking at D if I did it. I can see where I have sat back and let him get away with a lot of this b/c that was what I was trying to do......"let" him be the head of the home. But, I feel like we are going nowhere and just getting deeper and deeper in debt all the time. It is a sure thing that we won't be traveling and enjoying our retirement b/c there won't be any for us. The main thing I worry about is his health b/c I don't think he is going to hold out that much longer at what he does. When he gives up the painting.....I think that will be it. His social security check is so small that there is no way on earth we can make it on that and my income. I don't know how we could even meet the bank notes much less any of the other bills. It will take the rest of our lives to pay off our debt. If anything were to happen to him that he got seriously sick for a long time......I just don't know what I would do.
Thanks to all of you for advising me on what to do and I will continue to consider it. It was encouraging to see that at least the cars had been moved out of their "spot" even if they haven't been removed yet. I asked him how much time before the deadline was up (b/c they just gave us 7 more days). Now he is saying they told him that as long as it looked like we were "trying" to clean up around the yard it would be ok. I could pull my hair out at times. When all these books tells wives to accept their H's the way they are......do you think this is part of it? I have tried very, very hard to do that, but it is killing me.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!