NT you have to detach....really. You are being reactive to the things she is doing and its tearing you apart. We all have to realize that in our spouses world, they are the only ones that exist and the person you used to know no longer exists.
Going dark might be beneficial to you right now if you can manage it. Otherwise, keep meetings and conversations to a minimum. I know what it feels like to want to be there and help her but you have to let her fall if that is what is going to happen. Remember the 180's...you cannot be her crutch, punching bag, safety net....what-have-you. She has to do this on her own...you can't fix her.
While what she is doing is downright wrong, you cannot (openly) judge her. If/when she comes back and your sitch is a bit better, I'm sure she will see what she was doing and be just as appalled as you are now. But in the meantime....let her do her, and you do you.
Sorry...it sucks...but thats the way it is right now.
