Thanks for your thoughts KS. I think the key to what you wrote is that you TOLD your H what you wanted by "asking, begging, pleading" whereas my W didn't feel she should ever have to ask, I should just know! As I said, sometimes I would know and try but sometimes I wouldn't and it would be up to her to say "Hey, honey, I need a hug tonight". She felt it was demeaning and embarrassing to have to ask for what you need, she wanted to be an infant whose every need is just breastfed to her. That is not an adult approach to a R, it is a two way street. One must give as well as recieve, my W was not interested in giving but continued to demand everything in return. She even said herself "Here I expect all these things but I never do any of them for you". Now, that is not bitterness on my part (although when FLTC and I get started I know how it comes across!), it is fact. When she told me she needed more romance from me, I thought to myself "Wow, I have a beautiful W who I love dearly, why am I not showing her in this way?" So, I started doing things to show my love in a more romantic fashion. I even made heart shaped sandwiches for her lunch and wrote "I love you" on her lunch banana! That is going the extra mile, I'd say Her response was "stop doing these things, you only do it because you know I like it!" Now, if I truly am bitter, as you suggest, then I must definately let that go, I must forgive, as much for myself as for her. I did absorb many years of being demeaned and put down and that certainly puts a damper on self esteem and feelings of desirability. My friends often said things like "I can't imagine how you have any self esteem left!" I have to fight my way back but NOT in a mean, vindictive or hurtful way. I must forgive her and carry on, heal my wounds and create a way of life that will be loving towards myself and everyone else I come in contact with, including my W. It's a long trip but it's the only one in town! Thanks again for dropping by. Btw, did your H like the red or black Twizzlers? I like black. AT, this Twizzler topic could be right up your aisle, don't you think?
Her response was "stop doing these things, you only do it because you know I like it!" Now, if I truly am bitter, as you suggest, then I must definately let that go, I must forgive, as much for myself as for her. I did absorb many years of being demeaned and put down and that certainly puts a damper on self esteem and feelings of desirability. My friends often said things like "I can't imagine how you have any self esteem left!" I have to fight my way back but NOT in a mean, vindictive or hurtful way. I must forgive her and carry on, heal my wounds and create a way of life that will be loving towards myself and everyone else I come in contact with, including my W. It's a long trip but it's the only one in town! Thanks again for dropping by. 