What does my XW Want?

[Confused_in_AZ]

Been meaning to write but have been so caught up in work and my move it is just crazy. 2008 is going to be a good year for me I have a feeling.

Anyway, long story short, met with the XW. She arrived 30 minutes late.....no surprise as she will be late to her own funeral, but I just went with the flow. Breakfast was fine...normal catch up. Gave her the glasses which she seemed to really like. I got about a pound of fudge. Oh well. We said goodbye with her initiating a hug.

I walked away feeling a bit empty and have been trying to figure things out and think I have come to an understanding. I completely feel that this is not the woman that I married anymore. When we first dated, she was attending mass every Sunday....this year, she didn't even go on Christmas and said that "she was going to please her mother". First time that has EVER been said. She is so emotionally distant that it would be impossible to love her. Even if you did the most perfect thing for her, she really wouldn't appreciate it. Finally, she is just so into her, that it pushes me away.

I guess I am figuring out that I am trying to hold on to something that is not there anymore, the woman that I love and married. I am not sure if that person is still there or not, but right now, that would be a NO! And there is nothing that I can do about it.

I have decided that seeing her once a month or so is no longer in my best interest as no good comes from it. Maybe after a few months, a dinner now and then would be fine, but for the short term, I need to stop this rollercoaster. Even if I tried to be friends with her, it would not work at this time. She gives me NOTHING in return. Just dumps on me and leaves. And this see each other every 3-4 weeks for 3 hours is not what a friendship is about.

So, needless to say, I have been in a bit of a mourning period. That, combined with my first move since our separation has been an emotional hit, although getting better with my new home looking more and more like home.

Positive on the outlook and looking forward to an outstanding 2008! Thank goodness 2007 is done!