Trying to focus on positive

[Mom of 2 2B]

Hi Jen,

I'm with you. I'm trying to do the same thing. I've had a tendency to be critical and overbearing and I'm trying to focus on the positive now. My H left me 2 weeks before our twins were born (and 2 days after I got out of the hospital for pre-term labor for 3 weeks). So it's definitely been a challenge, but I'm finding that it works. I thank him for helping around the house (he still comes over to help me after work despite getting his own apt) and compliment for how great he is with the babies. When we were at a counseling session and I was asked to tell him the things he'd done to hurt me (AWFUL counselor- I walked out early) I instead said that he's done and said some pretty hurtful things in the past month, but also done and said some very wonderful things too. I said that the man I've been married to 10 years (today, incidentally- I'm sitting here eating anniverary cake by myself) is a good man and one day he will return. I said that I'm not certain whether he'll want to be married to me, or I'll still want to be married to him, but holding onto resentment won't make that decision any easiier. And that really got his attention. I think that when they know they're misbehaving and expect our wrath, but instead receive positive feedback, it helps them to follow your lead and act "as if," which causes them to become even better.

Sorry your post didn't get much response- I think you're on the right track. I'm in the same boat. Best of luck!