Trixi movin' on up...

[NikB]

Thanks Trixi! Can't wait to get home so I can check out Snowball's latest.

Max asks some good questions. I had a few others..

I said it appears he is still "shopping" for someone new (he sorta denied it) and I said "look, if I was sleeping with a guy I met off match, I would expect him to pull his profile and quit looking. If I am going to have a sex with someone, I expect it to come with a real bonafide relationship."

Ummm.. is this rule going to apply to your H, as well??

Somewhere in the middle of the convo I said "You're gonna love my house so much, you'll be there all the time" and he said "Yeah, I bet will."

This threw up a HUGE red flag for me. You're going to CONTINUE to let him live "single" and shop around, while also keeping you safely stowed away in your new house, for him to drop in anytime he wants?? You just invited him to be your H when he feels like it and not when he doesn't. Did he invite you to c'mon over to "his" place any time, be part of his life whenever you happen to feel like it, too??

I think allowing him total access to you and your life along with his "single" life is a really, really bad idea for you, for him (ultimately although I'm sure he'd love it), and DEFINITELY for your M.

I think Max is right on with this: "I'm not sure what he wants, except to keep all options open in some fashion or another."

And you're allowing him to do just that. PLEASE don't do that to yourself. If he wants to continue to "see" you after you move - that's great!!! But I'd treat it a lot more like some new guy you just met and take things slow (not invite him to practically move in with you right off the bat!).

Also, given his past behavior and human nature in general.. I REALLY don't picture him being open and honest with you about his "dating" or relationships. That could totally screw up his "keeping all options open" big time. He MAY be honest with you, but would you ever fully trust him? (I can't imagine HOW?). Or, let's say he IS totally honest with you while he's off "finding himself" - do you want that role, either? Helping him pick out his new girlfriend while still being there as his W??

People tend to lie about affairs as it is.. the way he's setting this up, he almost doesn't even have to lie and he can STILL have both. Not healthy.

As you your Sep or D question - I'd file the least "severe" one that you need to protect yourself financially. That may even mean that you file nothing right now, if there aren't any financial worries.