Hi Micheal - thanks for checking on me - we are doing fine. I visit the DB site every day to see how everyone is doing but have not posted for ahwile because not much to tell. I have been trying to get on with my life and let go. Have come to the realization since H and I have no relationship whatsoever now and do not communicate at all exept short emails about visitation hours there is no hope at all. I have to realize its over - it would take a miracle now. H has promised his lawyer not to take D around OW until div is final. I will be starting a new job on 1/14 so am looking forward to that. Tonight was hard - H had visitation and waits in car for D - I have not cried in days - not even on NY's eve when D and I were home alone - but cried after he picked her up. Just thought to myself 20 years and this is what it has come to - no contact at all. Its just so sad to me and I cant understand how he could not even just want to try to say lets be friends - he would rather have no contact at all - I tell myself if he did not care at all he would try to make friends because it would be no big deal to him then - that the only way he can keep going forward with div is to have no contact to give him strength to do what he thinks he has to - either that or he really cant stand me - H told me when he left me he does not even like me anymore - my personality - then in Oct said he still loved me - then cut me off again - I have no idea what he truly feels and I think he likes it that way and I have to stop guessing. I just wish I never had a child with him if I would have known he was going to be in my life this way - its torture - when he does not call, email or have visitation - I am fine - I feel stronger - but when I rec emails or he comes to get D I get so down - Just waiting for the day when it does not hurt so much.......
