Good work on the standing up for your self, but be careful of your responses after that.
I didn't say much after that other than to thank him for helping and to see how he was feeling. I normally keep my cool, so even i was worried how that would come out. Glad i did it either way, really really glad he heard what i was saying and didn't take it as just nagging/arguing.
Acutally the online stuff was whenever. I was operating as if we were getting a divorce. I've always pretty much thought and been told that once someone brings up divorce, there is no going back. niave, huh... I was mostly doing it at home. He thought i was actually out effing a guy from my work during that time. Maybe in my car or something... who knows Those accusations started over a year prior to EA. But I know see how he could have gotten there. Unless he had some magical epiphany today, i can guarantee whatever he was thinking was much more than just a passing thought.
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But he needs to see that you can be upset with him, there are going to be fights every once in a while, but that you will return to his loving arms and not old problems.
I think that was one of the best things about last night. He pretty much ignored me all NYE, but yesterday we acutally sat on the couch, watched some tv and had sex. big imporvement over the last few days...
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The interactions are sounding like a lot more positives then negatives though, that seems to be a switch.
yep yep... no expectations that it will continue, but they are steps in the right direction.
If i can't fall in love... I'd like to fall in chocolate! ~ Author Unknown
Ann, I had problems with my W too regarding domestic support. She constantly complained I did "nothing" and she did "everything" which I found hurtful given I did a ton of house work even when she stayed home full time. She would only clean when she felt like it usually if someone was going to visit yet she would find fault with my quick cleaning which I did out of necessity in the time available so the house wouldn't feel like a pig sty every day. It gets to be more fun when the kids start bouncing off the walls, scattering their toys, writing on furniture, spilling juice, etc.
fb2 - Thanks. I really like the idea in that second link. If anything, maybe it will give my H an idea of how much has to be done on a regular basis.
It's funny. I've always done everything. I was raised that way. My mom workd full time and cleaned and did laundry and helped with homework and cooked sometimes. My dad occassionally cooked, but that was it. my R has always been the same way, (except i cook because he can't) i never minded, but once we started having babies, i needed help and i think he has a hard time understanding why i need so much help. I never needed it before.
I'm going to a girls night in 3 weeks with my friends from church. It's an overnight thing. This will be the first time H has had the girls alone for more than a few hours. Should be interesting.
If i can't fall in love... I'd like to fall in chocolate! ~ Author Unknown
OK... so i was doing really well with the whole initiating sex thing. I was feeling comfortable with it and everything, even enjoying it again... then last night, he initiates and I don't know what happened to me, but it was bad.
I felt sick. I did it with as much enthusiasm as i could muster, but afterwards i was back to feeling... i don't even know how to describe it, but it's not good. He didn't seem to notice the difference, so that was good.
I think everytime i initiate, i figure it out in my head, its like i talk myself into it or something and then it goes ok. Or if i think he might, i kinda do the same thing. Figure out what I'm going to do and how, so I'm ready. Last night i had no warning and I guess i kinda freaked out.
Took a minute while he was starting and told him i needed a drink first and got up. Probably bad, but i needed a second and better that than say "oh god, yuck"...
I don't know what's wrong with me and i don't know how to fix it. H was kinda aggressive about it too, which was really weird for him. Not sure what got into either of us...
I feel like everything I've been trying to do over the last month or so was lost in one night.
If i can't fall in love... I'd like to fall in chocolate! ~ Author Unknown
I don't know what's wrong with me and i don't know how to fix it. H was kinda aggressive about it too, which was really weird for him. Not sure what got into either of us...
I feel like everything I've been trying to do over the last month or so was lost in one night.
Ummm, maybe I don't get it, but it seems like you just got it. So if you have time to prepare and initiate your ready to go. But if he jumps out of the jungle like a tiger your scared to death. You haven't slid back at all, I think you just stepped on the fast forward button.
So now you have to teach H, that you need prep time. Let him know that women work a little diffrent, you need arousal not surprise and show him this.
This is a hard age for guys, they are really starting to find some things out, and basically high school and college sex aren't cutin it. Once my W taught me this, I could play this card for hours, and by the time she let loose it was like run away I just want to sleep and I think your going to kill me. So much more fun.
Also this doesn't mean he can't get it the way he wants either, he just has to lay the ground work. As in call you from lunch and let you know what is going down when he walks through the door. Builds excitement and he can have his "immediate sex."
But he has to get that he just can't play sodoku on the lap top all night then roll over and go alright get your clothes off.
Hi atlas. How do i tell him that i need to know in advance when he's going to want sex. We've normally been every couple days (2-3 times a week) so i figured last night was 'safe' for me. Seems like telling him i need a couple of hours to get my head around the fact that we are going to have sex will make him want to know why and I really can't answer that question without killing him.
It was funny. Had this been before all the drama, i would have relished it. He was trying to take is slow, being patient and kissing me (rather than his preferred method of just jumping on top of me). Then during he was agressive (which i would have begged for back then). Now though, i just wanted it to be over.
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This is a hard age for guys, they are really starting to find some things out, and basically high school and college sex aren't cutin it.
It's funny cause he didn't ever get high school sex and anything after that was just me. I think that maks it almost harder. I think for him he's kinda starting to figure out how it's supposed to be for himself (cause heaven forbid he read a book or take my opinion. ) and now I am struggling with it, when i never have before.
I think he's feeling like I'm over the not wanting to have sex thing because I've been doing it so much.
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So if you have time to prepare and initiate your ready to go. But if he jumps out of the jungle like a tiger your scared to death.
It wasn't being scared, it was back to being repulsed... I haven't felt that bad about sex since the very begining of all this, so that's probably why i feel like it's a huge leap backwards. The prepare and initiate part of it for me are kinda like a pep talk. Like "you can do this, you want to make him happy, do this for him" kinda thing. I obviously still have a bigger issue with the attraction than i thought.
I grew up in a house where sex wasn't brought up. We arrived via stork and that was just that. Everything we learned about it was from school and friends. So then i got into this R and once i had it, that's all i wanted. I was really bad at first and then i calmed down a little bit. I just want to enjoy it with him again. It doesn't need to be like it was, but just to enjoy him again. That's all...
If i can't fall in love... I'd like to fall in chocolate! ~ Author Unknown
Those accusations started over a year prior to EA. But I know see how he could have gotten there. Unless he had some magical epiphany today, i can guarantee whatever he was thinking was much more than just a passing thought. 
) and now I am struggling with it, when i never have before.