NW Repeat after me: THERE IS NO MAGIC BULLET. You can't change her. The best you can do is change yourself into the best you can be so that you are attractive and desirable, but you have to do those changes for yourself, not for her or anyone else or it will grow old and feel fake. You need to find yourself first, figure out what makes you happy and then go do it. Then when she sees you being yourself, then she can tag along or not. Warning: in the process of finding yourself, you may very well find that she is not for you. In any event, I envy your position recognizing that there is a problem and seeking solutions so early in your M, as you have less inertia to overcome to put the R on a better track, and less baggage to dispense with should you decide to split. I wish I had found something like this BB 20 years ago when I was a newlywed in about the same shoes you are in. Also, I'm finding it is probably easier to find a mate that aligns with your preferences than it is to work within an existing R while finding yourself and discovering what she is all about. As Mojo (I think it was her) said, in the context of dating, if you don't mesh well you just move along to the next candidate but in a committed LTR, you are more inclined to try to compromise part of yourself to force the R into working.
It also sounds like you two have a big communications problem. She's as much as told you that she does not feel safe sharing her feelings with you. You may need to work on being more empathic to her feelings, trying to better understand them. That will take time to develop, as she's not going to suddenly open up and let you in. You might try something like a Worldwide Marriage Encounter weekend to pick up some of the tools and techniques to start sharing feelings a bit better. As Corri said, the sex (or lack thereof) is the least of your problems. Look carefully at yourself to find your contribution to the current state of affairs. That's the only part you can do anything about. Good luck.
