I understand that you like a wolf/puppy combo. But you want the wolf/puppy combo on your terms, when you want it, how you want it. I say this in response to:
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I'd want you to be puppy dog and receptive to petting me and telling me I'm pretty. You'd be drained and withdraw affection. I'd look elsewhere. R on the skids again.
If that is what you want, find the man to give it to you, rather than demand it from someone who has no interest in giving it.
You obviously have this with your H... because as soon as he stops being the wolf (but you're not ready for him to), you go look for 'it' somewhere else... so you get your puppy H to be your lapdog wolf... now you want him to be puppy and accept the bone you are throwing him for his good performance.
This is what we were talking about earlier in this thread... your H does not have the freedom to be Who He Is... OR... he never bothered knowing himself well enough to tell you Who He Was, or he doesn't have the courage, or something... I dunno
But anyway, when you start pulling your princess crap... he caves (and is miserable for it). When your H can no longer stand himself this way, things are going to blow up for you again... and the whole dam cycle is going to start all over again... until someone actually cheats or leaves.
My point to you was... you may be able to avert these cycles through fantasy and honest communication. But I'm thinking you are still pretty perplexed as to why he all the sudden changed... you're reluctant to try something that may get you the wolf you want if it means you might have to be a bit uncomfortable for the effort...
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That's why I said I'd eat you alive. You'd be throwing chairs against walls all over again.
Head scratch.... I could be wrong... but if I believe BF to be the man he says he is... you'd never get the chance for even the slightest nibble. (Not saying that to put you down, or any of your sexual abilities). And he will never allow himself to throw a chair, ever again. That's what he has said to all of us, over and over again. I actually believe him.
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I think you could be happier in your R if you could adjust a little to the woman you are with. I doubt you will agree with that Corri and that's ok. But I think in Any R/M, you need to make some adjustments if you want it to work.
Actually, I do agree with it. What I do not agree with, however, is that someone makes changes because I have demanded it. All that does is lead to resentment.
I did it for years to my H... demanded, demanded, demanded... he needed to be the way I wanted him to be so I could be happy in my marriage. Then I did understand that it was slightly more than just about what I wanted... I did go out and make changes... FOR ME... for my R... it still didn't make H happy. That's okay. I accepted him for who he was, exactly as who he was... and then realized, in order for me to do that AND STAY WITH HIM, I would have to become a person I didn't like being, a person I could not be. I did not like the me I was when I was with the person he demanded that I accept him as. And that's okay. Just because you accept someone as they are, doesn't mean you get to be with them. It doesn't mean you stop loving them. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is be honest enough to walk away.
I think your H is not booting you to the curb for this recent stint because it has finally gotten him out from under your thumb. You didn't want out of your M, you wanted your way...
I'm telling you, LFL, you'd better give this situation very serious brain power, some very serious consideration. I think it is wonderful that your inner glutton is so drunk with satisfaction that you can NOW finally throw your H a bone.
I think BF was encouraging you to consider the same thing... I don't think this similar advice is coming to you because he and I are so severe... maybe it's from experiencing the severity of divorce...
