Well guys, so now I have stopped snooping things fall on my lap. Got some evidence of H having a PA with one of his on line girlfriends for real. Confronted him and found out he did it for more than a year.
I finally decided I should talk to someone that is close and called a friend. It was the best I could have done. She could calm me a little bit. Didn't sleep last night.
Can't concentrate on work now. I can take it no more. I've called on separation. He is leaving.
I am devastated because the timing of his PA couldn't be worst. I found out he truly have character flaws. I am now facing all the task list of the next days to break a marriage. I have drawn the line. He does not love me and I don't know if he ever did. I don't want to be with someone who is able to do all that he did.
H will be home soon to pack up. He's threatening to tell everything to my family. I don't want them to be hurt as I am. He is sick, had the PA with the letter girl and it began right at the moment we were going through infertility treatment trying to have a baby. I am so ashamed of being married to him.
My friend told me he is trying to keep me hostage in this situation because he knows how familiy is important to me. I just wish this separation could go very smooth. How can I prevent him of doing more harm?
Your H is the offensive one here -- so if he wants to blow the lid off of his infidelity, I'd say fine; let him make himself into the fool before all the family. You've done nothing but try very hard to preserve your M, putting up with a lot of his excrement in the process. You've done nothing as grave as he has -- nothing, absolutely nothing warrants infidelity.
He is sick, had the PA with the letter girl and it began right at the moment we were going through infertility treatment trying to have a baby. I am so ashamed of being married to him.
(((((HAL))))) I'm so sorry. I experienced something very similar in my sitch and know exactly how you feel. My XH started his affair two months after we had a failed IVF and after 2 years of infertility treatments. He went on to get OW pregnant and she is due in March. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
hal, you haven't done anything to be ashamed of. I know what you mean about the embarrassment - after several years of knowing a little bit, I found out in September that my H has actually had quite a few PA, through online dating sites, not to mention many EA with people he met online. He tells me that the last PA was three years ago, but who knows, really? Online involvement has been more recent and I wouldn't be at all surprised to find out that he's currently involved in some sort of email correspondence with someone - from what I've seen, this involves sending each other sexual emails.
I have very much limited the number of people I've told and would hate it if lots of people knew. I can understand that in a situation where there are also fertility issues, there is extra pain.
If you H chooses to tell, you can't really stop him. It will be difficult for you, but in the long run, he'll be the one that looks bad, especially as you do all the DBing, GALing work that allows you to keep your dignity.
He's just called, say he don't want to leave but I cannot be around him anymore. I just told him to come and pack up. I won't put up with this awful M any more.
I feel ashamed of letting myself be deceived like that. I do not want my family to have and sense the same feelings I am having right now. But I guess you are right. There's nothing I can do. I will not go with his blackmail and I will call the blef.
Hope,would you mind talking through mail about your experience?
I was waiting patiently to see if it was some kind of issue that we could sort out or if it was a character flaw. I am horrified to learn it was the last.
Hurt, I'm so sorry...Just remember whatever he tells you, you are a wonderful and caring person. You do not deserve this. He could have said no, it's not your fault.
Hugs
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
