Trixi movin' on up...

[Trixi]

Picked up H at the airport. He was BIG smiles,big kiss, obviously very happy to see me, grabbed my hand to hold while we drove (which is "normal" for the old days) but he was very cuddly with my hand and kept kissing it. Kept looking over at me and smiling.
When he gets into the car (after the big kiss and hug) he says "You have some sort of hold on me; what is that about??! All day i just kept thinking about you and missing you". I gave him the knowing look of "well, duh; of course".

So we talked about what was going on the step son (I am skeptical of how things are going, but it's his thing to deal with- I wasn't there so I don't have the WHOLE picture), told me about drama with the sibs; how they were lucky enough to be right under the ball. At a certain point on the highway I took an exit while saying "so I'm taking you to your place....?" and he goes "no no- take me to the [our] house." We stopped for gas (low gas light had come on) and while it was pumping, he was leaning in my window kissing me. I still wasn't sure where I was going to take him. (No, really, I wasn't sure.)
I got back on the road and decided to go back to our old house.
"Highlights" of the conversation-
He said (AGAIN) that nothing is forever and I said that he keeps saying that and I don't understand WHY we have to go thru this when the thought sounds like we are going to be back together again eventually. He said that he needs to "find himself" and this is a growth process we need to go thru. I said that it appears he wants to get his ya-ya's out and that once that's done he sort of expects we'll be back together. He said that it isn't something as silly as ya-ya's- he isn't trying to sleep with women- "I haven't yet. that should tell you something." and I said I wasn't sure what it told me-but maybe that he was trying to respect the sanctity of marriage and that is why the big D rush. He wasn't sure if that was really it. I said it appears he is still "shopping" for someone new (he sorta denied it) and I said "look, if I was sleeping with a guy I met off match, I would expect him to pull his profile and quit looking. If I am going to have a sex with someone, I expect it to come with a real bonafide relationship." I also said that he doesn't look at me like he wants a divorce and he said "I know." I was telling him how cute my house is and how DD wants to come over and do her homework and have me help and he said "That'll be good. And I can help SS get on his feet." I said "Honestly, i wish we were doing this as a family" and he said "Me too. It'd be great if they were living at home and getting started in college. But it didn't turn out that way." WTF? Like this is being done TO him and is out of his control. Somewhere in the middle of the convo I said "You're gonna love my house so much, you'll be there all the time" and he said "Yeah, I bet will."

I don't feel crappy today (aside from exhaustion) for sleeping with him. Not sure why I don't feel so bad; probably because I have WAY TOO much hope that eventually our situation will work itself out- and that in the meantime, I can focus on me and helping DD get going in college. He can have the drama of dealing with StepSon.

Is it better to get a full divorce in this situation or should I suggest a legal separation? Does it matter? I'm not even sure how to articulate my question....H seems convinced that we must proceed towards D, but also (obviously) exhibits some fairly confused behavior. Is it wise to suggest an interim stop gap, or am I just delaying the inevitable? I wonder if I want to save 'this' marriage or just get rid of it completely and start from scratch later.