hal, you haven't done anything to be ashamed of. I know what you mean about the embarrassment - after several years of knowing a little bit, I found out in September that my H has actually had quite a few PA, through online dating sites, not to mention many EA with people he met online. He tells me that the last PA was three years ago, but who knows, really? Online involvement has been more recent and I wouldn't be at all surprised to find out that he's currently involved in some sort of email correspondence with someone - from what I've seen, this involves sending each other sexual emails.
I have very much limited the number of people I've told and would hate it if lots of people knew. I can understand that in a situation where there are also fertility issues, there is extra pain.
If you H chooses to tell, you can't really stop him. It will be difficult for you, but in the long run, he'll be the one that looks bad, especially as you do all the DBing, GALing work that allows you to keep your dignity.
