I am struggling today and I need some help before I open my mouth and act on my emotions.

I have negative thoughts coming into my head. I can't tell if H has been distant or if it's just normal every day life.

Not a day goes by that I don't wonder if today is the day he's going to contact OW or vise versa. The thought of him backsliding AGAIN (which happened many times for a while there) makes me sick to my stomach. And I don't want to initiate R talks all the time.

I guess I need some reassurance from him. But the problem is, I seem to always need that reassurance. I know i've asked this before, but I am asking it again.. will I ever feel safe again? Will I ever feel secure that my M will survive? Will I ever stop saying, "If I stay M"...

What can I do to feel better? Should I talk to H? I don't want to come across needy.

I'm in a sucky frame of mind right now.

Married 9 years
Kids 5 and 6
Bomb 2006
H back and forth for a year
M now back on track