Long and Bumpy Road 2be continued...

[Startingover2]

I just got this from MIL. Now this woman has been on my side the whole time and something in her turned. We live in a small town and the only people I talk to in detail is my sister and 2 close friends about this. Everyone else's opinion is based on what a schmuck H is being in not standing up and his ongoing R with OW. OW keeps it no secret that they talk and MIL seems to think I am slandering her poor innocent baby....tell me how you think I should respond..I changed names obviously...


Dear SO2,
How did the kids and you like the gifts we sent? I'm glad you are feeling better. I had a long talk with H and mainly listened. He has a caring heart and does care about you and the baby because he did father it. Without repeating what we talked about all I can say SO2 is there is no laughter between you two or fun times, or giggling times. We were there at H's one time when OW and the boys were over and there was a lot of laughing with all of them....which is important for someone who has had cancer. To judge and try to find out if he is sexual with her is not minding your own business. If he does not drink while visiting you and you want him to be a part of baby's life, you need to continue to be loving and kind. "You can catch more bees with honey than with vinegar". That means to me that all the prying and trying to find out what he's doing or not doing is not healthy. The power is in PRAYING for him every day as I do. When my other sons are with H more often than you are I can hear how he is doing. All I would like you to do is see your own reaction to what you do not have and try to change that. H will change, men are slow and we are impatient and want our way.
Laughing is an intragal part of being truly human, even if its only on t.v. I'm sorry you had to spend New Years alone because H did too.

As far as his drinking............he is the only one to say if he is an alcoholic or not. He is a wonderful, caring person and is good to his girls, and H's ex wife says she would not let them be in a vehicle with H if he is drinking. Maybe he has decided to watch out since so much Gossip has gone on in the valley. I'm sending you a book and I wrote in it to you. I want to hear how you are feeling and how the baby is but not gossip about H. He is my son and I will always love him and stand behind him especially if he is not drinking. If you want to have any kind of a relationship with the father of your baby you need to stop being jealous (its a sin) and Gossiping about everything you can find out. Gossip is agaist the 4th and 5th commandment. Also men and women see things totally different anyway and you can relax and invite H (after praying) to appointments and different occasions where the baby is concerned. And the next time you see Fr. priest try to tell him how your feeling (jealousy, gossiping, etc etc) not what H is doing or not doing. You will never win him to your way of thinking unless it is God centered. Only tell one person (your sponsor or a priest how everything makes you feel) and try not to blow everything out of porportion. I have listened to you lots of times now and feel you have a full time job practicing patience, managing your anger, and if he does get drunk or drink it is non of our business. So when you do invite him over to share baby with you, you can be free of any of the above. When I say you have blown everything out of porportion I'm going by what his siblings have said also. H know we will not be on his side if he is drinking and using anything. So far his boss says he is responsible and does his job. I do not believe he is happy living alone but its far better to live alone than to 'live in a house with a nagging wife'. It says in scripture 'its better to live on the corner of a roof ' than to live in a house with a nagging woman an no laughter................ In alanon I learned to fake it till I make it. Ask the girls what their experience is in Alanon about that saying.

I love you as my daughter-in-law but I love my son also and will stand behind him if he does the right thing. Everything cannot be always our way and if you step back and look you will eventually see you will possibly never have a husband if you are not willing to continue to change yourself and that means not talking about anybody to anybody else. In Alanon it says to never repeat anything said there and it is the same in a household or in a town. Even if someone is drunk it is not to be repeated so as to defame his character. Remember God loves us all as we are even if we need to change.

Our Mother, Mary always contemplated everything the Lord and family said in her heart. She is our model and yes it is hard to follow but we are here to improve our tempermants and learn how to live peacefully in our homes and society.