Well, I try to be nice to you. I think Hairdog is nice to you.
Maybe that is not much but every little bit counts, I hope.
90 miles, wow, that is a long trip to only stay 30 minuets.
Let's face it, he's with the woman of his dreams, who adores him and dotes on him, who doesn't want or expect sex, who giggles and fusses over every little thing.
Dreams????? I don't know about that.
You didn't include all the money she gives to him. for some one used to being bailed out, the OP's money plays a part.
Lil, I never assumed you were waiting for bf to step up to the plate at this point in time.
I went with the fading away so there wouldn't be something he could be pinning on you as a reason not to be a good neighbor.
And why on earth do I need him for a boyfriend?? Need bf to be a good neighbor, I suppose. For a boyfriend, I suppose you don't.
You didn't include all the money she gives to him.
I don't think the $$$ plays all that much of a part in it. If she just had a regular SS income or something, I think he would still be utterly devoted.
I know y'all are nice to me, Lou. The comment was not meant to belittle the kindness I find here on the BB.
The comment was not meant to belittle the kindness I find here on the BB.
I never thought it was Lil. I just want to cheer you up a little. You have been one of my best cyber friends and that is not a slight against anyone else.
If she just had a regular SS income or something, I think he would still be utterly devoted. Well, if she didn't bail him out, didn't have the bar, what would he have. I think he might be living with her in her old house. From what I gather bf might not have a house or electricity.
Money sure takes some of the uncomfortable things in life and puts an end to the worries. Bf might be devoted, but would he be as nice to her and spend as much time with her? I think he would be hard pressed for time just paying for basic needs.
With her paying, he has time to cater to her.
When I was 16 and couldn't get a workers permit (local requirement for most jobs in my neighbor hood except dishwashers and lawn care) I drove around an old lady and her dog. I did yard work and painting for her. I didn't dote on her but was attentive.
It was easy work, didn't pay much, but I did things the way she liked. I had to because my step father just died and she was my best source of income.
Money might not buy love but it can pay for attention and one’s time.
There was an interesting Diane Rehm show yesterday about Mothers and Sons. I only heard part of it, but the guest said that there is a very strong bond between a son and a mother who raised him alone. He can feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude and feel like he has to pay her back for all that she has done for him. Considering bf flunked out of college and got in trouble with drugs, he must feel like he owes his mom a lot (apart from any $$$ support she is giving him now). And thinking of her health...
I haven't listened to the whole thing. Just the little part I listened was unsettling. This probably tweaks my own troubled parental issues and childlessness...
I've only just caught up on your thread. I'm so sorry to hear you are going through all this, but it sounds to me that you are at peace with the idea that it is over. Which is pretty much where I am too. Being at peace with that idea is a good place to be.
I think it is a very hard thing to be the partner of someone who is going through the loss of a parent. It is going to be an especially difficult loss for him as she brought him up alone and as an only child. The "crawled out from under a rock" look is hard to bear (I know I've seen it too). But your needs for closeness and affection are a distraction from what he's going through right now. He probably feels guilty about that. And like my H the guilt gets turned round into an injury YOU have caused HIM. Your presence = guilt. Guilt = painful feeling. You = pain. If you see what I mean.
You and I (and I guess many others) have a big problem with abandonment and tend to cling just for the sake of being with SOMEONE rather than no-one. Don't you think? Time to recognise that about ourselves and next time that feeling creeps over us try to step back from it and look at the guy in a more detached way. Then swallow hard and move on.
(((Lil)))
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
What a bunch of crap. Yup, I think you are "just friends" and I don't think that a big convo is necessary. Get better, say to BF "I have now accepted what you have been trying to tell me for some time, we are friends and no more." Then get out there and meet some people.
My marriage was all about my DH's health (God bless him! He was a wonderful man!). Even before we got married we went away to a diabetes workshop and I looked around and realized what my life would be. The workshop was in a very plush hotel, and I saw other couples with babies and it hit me what I was giving up.
Then my bf, being an active alcoholic when I met him, also required a lot of "caretaking." He went from one crisis to another-- REAL crises, like quad bypass surgery, lawsuit from exW, layoff from work, mom with NHL.
But now... I'm free of caretaking responsibilities, and really even opportunities. I'm quite sure I don't even know exactly what that means yet, but I'm liking it!
