Good Morning Bombadier,

Bad news: The truth hurts
Good news: The truth will set you free

First, the BAD NEWS; Your wife is exhbiting major OM behavior. I and many others can speak fom experience because mine did the same thing. Mine would turn off her phone or another trick was to leave her phone in car (so she said). She also would have chunks of missing time, especially at the evening meal time, would not come home when she said she would, would say she was going one place for a quick errand and be gone for hours, etc. It is normal to respond with some degree of denial on your part at this point but you will better serve yourself if you accept and face the truth.

The GOOD NEWS; The woman you are now observing is not your wife. She has already checked out, broken down, mutated, surrendered to her inner fears and demons. Elvis has left the building. That's why talking to her, pointing out the errors of her ways (either by you or your son), trying to reason with her, etc. will accomplish nothing but irritate her, push her further away and make her want to run away faster and further. She is not "playing games" she is doing exactly what she wants to do. Where's the "good" in this? What's lost can be found, what goes up will come down. Newton got all fancy with it when he said for every action there is an oposite and equal reaction. Your wife will be back one day. You can't find her, or even help her to find herself as much as you and all of us wish we could. She has to do this alone. you can only control your response to the situation. Will you be waiting when she literally "finds herself?"

You will be greatly tempted during this time. At some point your pain will turn to anger and you will be tempted to lash out at your W and even at OM. Most of my anger has been felt toward OM, I guess because I still love my W. OM (all of them) are pieces of s**t and they know it on some level. W's OM cannot look me in the eye, but W will tell you what a "great guy" he is. Yeah, so "great" he is helping to take a mother away from her two small children. Guess he needs her more than them. How sick and pitiful is that?

Use your pain to detatch from W. Take these negatives and turn them into positives for yourself. Do all the things you've been meaning to do but couldn't find the time to do. Get yourself in shape physically and financially, pursue a new (or old) hobby, focus on the parts of your life that are working. Determine YOUR objectives and achieve them. I get the feeling you are experienced in achieving difficult objectives in light of your military experience. Let her go. She's already gone. She'll be back one day. It's up to you to decide if you'll be waiting.

"Ain't no step for a steppa", Percy Sledge

Last edited by sleeper; 01/03/08 04:38 PM.
"The answers are within you" (can't remember who). Unfortunately, so is the bullshit.