HB, Aud, and Jak, I wanted to share the Attempt to Repair conversation my W and I this morning. Hopefully, something positive will come from the miscommunication we had last night.
My W shared that she feels like her life is in turmoil, and that the only thing she has to feel good about is her home. This is why she puts such high standards on cleanliness. She said that she needs a lot of support from me right now, and that she was highly disappointed that I did not provide that last night.
I tried to problem-solve with her about the cleaning. She doesn't seem to think that I want to be helpful with this. I described the problem as a failure on my part to meet her standards. I proposed that I will ask for her opinion about any cleaning activity I do, so that I can correct it. I will also start asking her if there's anything that needs to be done.
She shared that she has been working very hard at housecleaning and organizing. Organization is a struggle for her. I think she's somewhat ADHD. I told her that I will try to be more than a silent partner, and will try to be more mindful that she needs positive support from me.
I shared with her the book on conflict management skills that I'm reading, and told her that I'm trying to improve in this area. I shared with her the quote on balancing self-care and meeting the needs of others. She liked it and said she struggles with the same issue. She liked so much a quote on courage that I had sent her last week, that she wants to frame it. I told that this is why I can't work a part-time job. I can't compromise self-care.
She has a funeral to attend this weekend in Philadelphia. It's a grandparent who she wasn't close to. It's more of an obligation than an emotional trip for her. I didn't offer to go due to airfare and since it's only a one day trip. She asked me if I wanted to go, and I said no. I felt under the gun to decide, as she wanted to buy discount tickets at the time, so as not to lose them. I should have offered to go. She didn't ask me to go. I'll have to live with the consequences of that decision.
I sometimes feel like I'm fighting the ghost of her deceased father. She has trust and other issues when it comes to men. She sometimes stamps his issues and her feelings about him on me.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
