Question of the day: If the WAS begins to feel guilt and self-loathing for what they are doing/have done, when do they start realizing that the op has done the same things and is, therefore, not the saint taht they are making them up to be???
My wife once told me the thing she admired the MOST about the OM's relationship with his wife was that they were completely honest and open with each other. I pointed out to her, after I discovered the affair, that the OM never told his wife, in fact, tried to hide from her, and tried to cover it up even from people who were throwing allegations at him. I said to my wife, "You really admired his 'honesty and openness', do you think he's still honest and open?
She said.....are you ready for this?....."It's not that he's not honest or open, or that he's lying, it's just that he fears change. He fears following his heart and being truly happy with me."
While it's still an affair, personal guilt or not, the OP will always be seen with rose-colored glasses.
People are complex. It's the day-to-day living with her that will make him realize: "Oh...my...goodness....OW has her faults, too. Wait a minute, this is a broken and blended family. I gave up Olive and offering my daughter an intact home for THIS? For THIS? I divorced my wife and broke up family FOR THIS? It's not much different than what I had before. Holy crap."
An affair is not reality.
Reality always bites you in the rear-end.
Living with you can be tough.
Living with OW can be tough.
Life is tough...the world doesn't owe us a living...life isn't fair...one day they realize this.
Perhaps, while he's living with her, before the divorce is final and before he says "I do" with her, he'll wake up.
