PS, Aud, and Matilda, My W and I had a turbulent evening. She resigned from her position yesterday. I decided to take her to dinner, and didn't go dancing last night.
During the evening, she was picking at me during dinner. She said that she wouldn't marry someone who makes my salary again. Of course, I was hurt.
The problem came when she wanted compliments on how much more organized she has been, and how hard she's been working on cleaning the house. I wasn't in the proper spirit to give this to her. She was furious, and called me ungrateful.
She went home and called her sister and mother and basically devalued me as a husband. She blamed her mother for childhood issues, and said that if she had a better father, she would have picked a better husband. I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but I was in my bedroom.
Afterwards, she asked me if I had anything to say. She was looking for an apology. I told her what happened at dinner and how her comments were hurtful, and how she has been critical of me these past days and weeks.
She said that she regrets not having children, and that she should have married someone who could provide for a family financially. I told her that she knew she was marrying a social worker. I also told her that I did not know she felt strongly about having children.
She kept pushing for me take on a part-time job. I told her that I deserve to have some enjoyment in life, and that I think 40 hours is enough of a contribution to the household.
She said that a man should be able to take care of himself and not rely on a W for financial assistance. I told her that her 24K salary only allows me to pay the bills. I pay the mortgage, and the utilities. Her salary pays her expenses. I'm not in a position to thrive financially. I told her that I've kept the budget from her, because it stressed her out. I don't think she knew that I was carrying most of the financial load.
What I learned was that she desires to have someone who can carry a household financially on one income. She wanted the single wage earner, stay at home mother scenario and regrets and is angry that she didn't get it. She keeps pushing me to meet some version of that expectation.
I'm going to hold my ground, and hold onto the positives I've cultivated for myself. I'm not going to jump thru her hoops trying to make her happy. She has to accept the life she has and make the best of it.
It felt good to say my piece. It felt good to say that I don't accept her poor opinions of me.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
