Your point about this vicious circle of GALling whilst keeping an eye on our WASs is an illustration of the fact that we haven't detached. We are still connected to our WASs and therefore still on their roller-coaster. The key is to GAL for ourselves, so we can get off the roller-coaster and let them travel on their stomach churning journey alone. We can wait at the exit to pick them up and carry them home. However will we want to take them home after their journey? Or even more to the point, if we GAL ourselves to a point where we want something different.
Shouldn't the idea of GAL excite us? Shouldn't we be thrilled that our WASs have deleted themselves from our lives, and so we have time to ourselves which would have been spent tending their needs? Change is scary, especially from the security of a comfortable domestic situation. But guess what, our WASs put a bomb under that security and we can't sit in the wreckage looking dazed. They started this process and we just need to stand up and take back ourselves. GALling might lead you away from your H, but he's not there anyway. Hopefully when he wakes up, he'll be that attractive man that you first loved. I think our loves are so deep (look at how much we are going through for their sakes) that we will easily forgive and move on once our WASs wake up. In fact I believe the love will be deeper, stronger and truer because it will have been tested to the point of destruction and still survived. The key of course will be the behaviour and reaction of our WASs. If they wake up full of remorse and appreciate the rock that has been the LBS, then the fairytale will have a happy ending. If they never wake up, then GALling means we have given ourselves chances to live.
FA, if you and your H were both single and happy people, then I believe you would automatically click again. I know people are supposed to change, but I believe our essential natures are hard-wired from birth with a little fine tuning done by parenting. Therefore your attraction would be the same. However the key here is that H has changed and so your life has been turned upside down. The old H would never have done this. GALling allows us time to preserve our sanities and survive the "siege" whilst we wait to see if this change is permanent. Some people will not have the patience to wait, and this has to be respected. Its not called quitting, and reflects our different experiences and our different levels of tolerance. Many people would say to me that I'm nuts to be around a woman who has cheated on me, and still lives in the same house..."Kick out that ungrateful b*tch so she gets a taste of reality". In fact, I've been told that staying together is simply a reflection of my weakness and me not wanting to lose something I love so much. Maybe this is why some of us GAL up to a point, and then stop. We fear losing our partners. There are no straight and easy answers, and each one of us has to stop and look inside to see what makes us tick.
You are a great woman, caught in impossible circumstances, and you should bear your battle honours with pride. You should also know that GALling will only make you even better. What if you ended attracting someone even better than H? Someone who cherished everything about you, never lied to you, and looked after your every need. That was your H, but not right now. No one knows what the future holds, so please make the most of the present by GALling your socks off!
Each day that passes, is a day that is lost forever. How many days of living are we going to let our WASs steal from us? We need to find something in each day that makes us happy, and allows us to appreciate our blessings. I have decided that my W is not stealing my life. Life is too short and I'm going to GAL and appreciate each day. So I don't have my W, but at least I'm not disabled, poor, hungry or homeless. I live in a safe part of the world with no conflict and I have 2 gorgeous daughters. Time to make the most of what we have, and squeeze as much juice from our lives as we possibly can.
