Other man...not you! I've just gone through the "Overt Christian" thing here, and the guy's stalking junior Soldiers half his age for "friendship". He's married with 4 kids. I advised him to get friends like I have. Male, officer, middle age!
So I'm moving into a house alone sometimes next couple weeks. Now that I have a house all by myself, the kids will be able to stay with me. Good and bad. It's nice I'll have more time with the kids, but this also means a lot less interaction with the W. Despite the fact that we are going through the D, I still don't feel like we are done. So anyone have words of wisdom on what I should do to keep things alive? We are going to do mon/wed/fri for one week and tues/thurs/weekend the next for custody of kids. Basically it should end up about even for the both of us. I do feel like I'm basically will be raising the kids on my own now with the time I have with them. I never wanted this, I did not have two kids so I can raise them by myself 50% of the time and not see them the other 50%. Just feel like I made some dumb mistakes and I would be punished forever for them....
M: 31 W: 31 M: 7 T: 8 S:4 D:2 Bomb dropped: too many to count or remember, 12/17/07 last one S on 9/2/07 W sent off D papers 12/31/07. Me trying to live life and hope she returns one day.
Your in the sam boat we all are Dave. Check this article out. It really shows what we're up against. Even when you think you're doing everything right or almost right, sometimes it doesn't matter........
So W is still "heart broken" over this guy that rejected her. This is day 3 or 4. Grrrr..... They've only met twice, for coffee.... What is up with that?
M: 31 W: 31 M: 7 T: 8 S:4 D:2 Bomb dropped: too many to count or remember, 12/17/07 last one S on 9/2/07 W sent off D papers 12/31/07. Me trying to live life and hope she returns one day.
So the new year is here. W has sent off the D papers on 12/31. A bit of mixed feelings. Actually I'm feeling a bit down right now. Been off since xmas and got to see the W and kids everyday. Tomorrow go to work and won't get to see them until Thursday. Got used to hanging out with the W and kids. Of course I have a feeling that the W gets tired of me being around even though I do think we had some good times in the past 10 days or so. She wants space and time to figure things out and thinks the D will give her that, so be it. Just sucks that she couldn't do that while keeping her commitment to me....
Anyways, I'm moving to a house in the next week or so. Will be on my own from then on. It's a bit overwhelming. Especially realizing that now I have to raise my kids, alone, for 50% of the time. Maybe I'm just trying to figure everything out at once and it can be a bit overwhelming. I really don't know what will happen with the W. I'm too tired to keep trying to keep us together and seem to be failing. Maybe I'm trying too hard. Maybe I just need to let everything go and leave things in God's hands. Whatever happens happens. Tired of trying.... I'm hoping and praying that God will smile upon me this year and hopefully bring my W back sometimes....
M: 31 W: 31 M: 7 T: 8 S:4 D:2 Bomb dropped: too many to count or remember, 12/17/07 last one S on 9/2/07 W sent off D papers 12/31/07. Me trying to live life and hope she returns one day.
Happy New Year Dave! And I mean that. This year WILL be better. You NEED to leave your sitch in God's hands and trust that He's in control. It may not turn out the way you want it as God has given us free will, and your wife's heart may be hardened. But, God will see you through either way, and you'll have grown tremendously from it. I know, I don't WANT to grow. I was just fine, thank you.
Max Lucado wrote a book called "On the Anvil" that describes well the pain of God molding us. It's a short book and a good read.
Divorce doesn't mean it's over. I personally know several people who have divorced and re-married the same spouse. How long does a divorce take where you live? My h filed for divorce once before in 2002, and had it cancelled right before the 6mo. waiting period ended. (Looking back, we should have let it go through, but I won't go there).
I'm glad to see you're getting an apt. and raising the kids on your own 50% of the time. That means....that 50% of the time, your wife has to raise them ON HER OWN. Without help from you.
Anyways, I wouldn't give up hope if I were you. Just keep DB'ing, but quit "trying". Leave it to God, and know that to this day, He still works miracles.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
ms ladybug, thanks for the encouraging words. I think it only takes about 2-3 months for D to go through in AZ. Not very long, especially when it's very simple. But yeah, I'm giving up "trying" for now. I need to do something different. Trying seems to be pushing it in the wrong direction. I will back off and give her lots of space and let her think a bit. Who knows what'll happen then. Maybe God is trying to tell me to quit trying so hard... Sometimes it's hard to figure out where he's leading me. Ah well....
M: 31 W: 31 M: 7 T: 8 S:4 D:2 Bomb dropped: too many to count or remember, 12/17/07 last one S on 9/2/07 W sent off D papers 12/31/07. Me trying to live life and hope she returns one day.
After a while, it becomes absolutely exhausting. Many of the success stories on here, and I've been here for over a year, involved people who didn't give up so much as moved on, accepting their fate, whatever it was. I'm going on my third year, and it seems like maybe, just maybe, I might be able to accept divorce, but I won't make it easy for her. I lived for my family as difficult as everything was, and I imagine you were the same way. It absolutely suc*s my friend. I get it.
I think maybe when people accepts/move on, they quit pushing and thus not so much pressure on the WAS. Perhaps that can be a turning point at times. I think I'm going to try not worry about the future so much and just take things as they come and see what happens. I really have no control over any of that anyhow besides giving myself more stress.... Expectations kill.... Hang in there FLTC, things will look up eventually.
M: 31 W: 31 M: 7 T: 8 S:4 D:2 Bomb dropped: too many to count or remember, 12/17/07 last one S on 9/2/07 W sent off D papers 12/31/07. Me trying to live life and hope she returns one day.
That's all you can do. Hope is a wonderful thing, but false hope will leave you with a huge fall down the elevator shaft if it falls apart on you. I'm tying to brcaw for what I feel is the inevitable, but I imagine when it does happen, it will also feel like I got kicked in the stomach.
