Hopefully you'll read this. I didn't see you starting another thread yet, so I'll just post this here. I've been thinking a lot about you and do want to share my perspective in case I can say anything that might be helpful....
>>He really starts all of the D and R talks and I just participate. How do I put an end to it gracefully?<<
Well.... what I did was just smile, agreed with EVERYTHING no matter how stupid and ridiculous, or even wrong it was. For me the main thing was not to seem manipulative, and to acknowledge and validate his feelings and thoughts. My husband needed to figure things out on his own without my input. In other words I needed to support his decision for divorce, I needed to support his belief that he'd be happier without me (even if I didn't agree!). And even though I knew the whole thing was destroying my kids and that killed me, I even needed to make light of all that with him.... so HE'D have to deal with it all without me. Not that there wasn't other people telling them what to do, and encouraging his decision to divorce me. But the divorce being with "me" I felt it was better to remove myself from all that. Go along with the whole thing "because I did love and care about him and I wanted what would make him happiest." Always pointing that one out....
Now the way to I'd get out of divorce or relationship talk was change the subject, ask lots of questions about work, life, the kids, his family, etc....
One more thing.... when he talks about being in your life. Gag me!!!! Make sure you point out something like..... Yes, honey, you will be a huge part of our children's life and we will always have a connection. But quite honestly, we will be divorced and I will be moving on with my life. I'm sorry, but there will be other men in my life, and I'm sure they'll be more than happy to help me fix things and take care of things. I'm not saying that because I don't want you to help out. That's just the reality. Our lives will move on.... we'll all be really happy.... blah blah blah...
Be a great actress.
Ooooh gotta run.... will be back to share more thoughts!!!!
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
