Just bought a 1 way non-refundable ticket to Dtown

[SueS]

Hurtin-

Maybe she just meant it as she didn't sleep well because she's been thinking about how to get OM out of the picture. Who knows. I'd just be encouraged that's she's keeping the contact open. See how the next few days goes and what her contact is like. I don't think it's a bad thing to text her once in a while. It's not like you're at her house now pushing her to get OM out and start things back with you immediately. Sounds to me like things are going at a nice slow pace.

That's just my opinion.

SueS

[Michael Mc C]

I'm going to agree with Sue here. I would NOT initiate any reconciliation discussions but there's probably nothing wrong with a quick hello in the morning.

You may want to hop over to piecing and ask the folks there for some input. Granted this is so preliminary it may not be piecing yet but the people on that board can probably give you some hints and even some warnings.

[SirPrizeMe]

H4C,
Stay cool, stay detached.

That doesn't mean act distant. It means don't pursue; let her drive the agenda. Stay the course.

She's not sure. She wants to get back with you, but then she's scared. She worries that you'll reject her. She worries about what she's done. She'll worry about the OM's feelings (that's a distasteful thought, but it's normal and true human feeling). So she'll be "loose in the socket" for a while.

Keep your expectations in check. Stay in control. Stay consistent. Don't pursue. Don't waver. Keep busy. Stay cool!

[Hurtin4certain]

Thanks for the advice guys.

Today she texted me "Thank god its almost Friday! D looked so cute today when she dressed up for school"

Me: "Yeah she is cute, always gets compliments at church".

Her: "Aww. I should come."

Me: "Yeah, we go on Saturday nights."

Her: "Have to work 2-8 this Saturday. Maybe next week."

Me: "Sounds good"

Her: " :-) "


Im not sure comfortable I am working on us when she is living with OM. Perhaps she is trying to fence sit?

What do you guys and gals think?

[SirPrizeMe]

H4C - do I read your sig correctly? did you file for Divorce?

if so, What for? Why are you on DB.com if you are filing for divorce?

I get what you mean by, "not sure you are comfortable working on the R while she is with OM."

Maybe stop a bit and think about what you really want. Do you want a divorce? Then proceed with it. Do you want to reconcile? then stop the divorce and begin DB'ing in earnest.

It's unpleasant, unfair, and really hard. But if it is what you want, you can do it.

You have to decide what you want.

[limbo]

H4C,

I think that now you are going to have to back off, and let your w do what she needs to.
She knows what needs to happen, and if you push to hard she could go running back into the tunnel again.
So have patience, and detach, you have to right now, it is so important!
I also know it will be the hardest to do because you are on the cusp of something major.
She is going to have a tremendous about of guilt and this is going to keep her from really acting rationally for sometime, so prepare for that.
So stay strong and calm, and just try and sit back and see where this is going to go.

[Michael Mc C]

Im not sure comfortable I am working on us when she is living with OM.

I agree that the two of you cannot really work on the marriage if she's living with the OM but remember you are in the very beginning stages. Who knows what plans she has for OM or for your marriage for that matter. Maybe they have had a falling out and he may very well be on his way out the door as it is.

Or, sad to say, she may just be weighing her options right now. Remain with the status quo - keep the positive attitude and continue with GAL. She is still going to be a bit on the wary side as well I imagine.

Just need to take it slow.

[Hurtin4certain]

Thanks guys.

SirPrize... I filed for divorce as I thought my daughter was in an unsafe predicament living at her mom's house. Lots of partying going on. The only way to potentially get custody was to file for divorce.

[SirPrizeMe]

Oh, I am sorry H4C.

You may not be able to work on the marriage directly, but you can work on yourself, keep yourself happy, make yourself the best you can be.

Stay consistent. She will see the best you.

[Hurtin4certain]

So W has really been pursuing ME lately... craziness. She is moving OM out "very very soon".

Today I picked up daughter from W and on the drive home D asks me "why does mommy say she misses you but still sleeps with OM?"

That really pissed me off. W called shortly thereafter and could tell I was not talkative. She asked what was wrong so I was honest.

I told her I felt like a fool. Like she was fence sitting and wanting me to pursue her while she is sleeping (no sex according to her, whatver) with OM. I set some boundaries and told her I wouldnt listen to any words she told me regarding us and that I would only go off of her actions.

I told her her actions did not tell me she was working on us. She agreed. I then told her I needed to detach again as I was too good to be strung along, she agreed. I told her I deserved better, she agreed.

Told her not to call me unless she was ready to SHOW through her ACTIONS that she was for real. She called back later in tears and said she would "do right by me." She was going to kick OM out.

Im tired of being a sucker. No more Nice Guy. Either she does this or Im gone, I feel my feelings for her pouring out of me.

She better hurry if she wants me, Im starting to give other women my mischivious (sp) smile lol.

I want my family whole but I know I deserve someone who will put me and us first. This is some bs, she wants us to pursue each other but she gets to sleep with OM, nope, not going to do it.