Finally detaching after 15 months of hell

[fooled again]

drz,

Strangely, when I am feeling low I come to these forums, write and read and find myself offering positive encouragement to others. I often find it difficult to stay focused though, so the more I read and the more I write, the more I am reminded of what it is that I need to do. Especially detaching.

I find that the hardest part of GALing is that it is something we have to do on our own, thinking of ourselves, with the goal of making oneself a better person, stronger, independent, reinvented from the insecure, bitter, hurt people we have become. But all the while through my efforts and changes, at least for me, I find that my eye is still on my H, "Does he notice? Does this make me more attractive to him? Is this something the OW would or wouldn't be capable of?" It's really quite ridiculous, and counterproductive, but a trap from which I am loathe to extract myself because if I am completely detached, does that mean I no longer care about my H? What happens if I'm so good at GALing that decide I don't want to stay with my WAH even if he comes around? I sometimes wonder if I were single today and met my H, would I fall in love with him?

To think that you have come this far on your own and have maintained your sanity and self respect is amazing. If you haven't heard of "The Secret", you might like to read/watch it. It concerns attracting positivity, the way you described it. Despite the fact that it sounds rather hokey, I think it's worth a look. I have also been recommended the movie "What the Bleep Do We Know" (I haven't watched that one yet).

I think some of the veterans in the midwest have gotten together for lunch, but what an interesting party that would be. It would have to be in Vegas or Disney World or some similarly surreal location.

drz, you sound as though you have the right attitude to make it through this trip through Hell. I've no doubt you'll see daylight eventually and I will be following your thread for more inspiration (and a really good read). Good luck with your writing. I can't think of a better time than now to follow your dreams.

FA