Mark, It appears as though I'll be heading down the same path as you. I've posted much more in the past, but my W found my ID and I stopped posting to avoid creating any conflicts. It doesn't matter any more though. We are through. Here's a quick review of the last few weeks.
OM's wife contacted me 11/20 to tell me that W and OM were still on contact. After some long discussions, both of them committed to not seeing each other any more. Weeks go by. W and I have some discussions about keeping things 'normal' through the holidays. We had Retrouvaille scheduled for Jan 18th, so we would stay cordial until then and see if the weekend provided any hope for the future. If not, we would then work on separating. Things seemed to start sliding a bit and W got more distant. I did the anti DB thing and snooped. I found much more than I really wanted to see. I found a computer file of Skype logs between the two of them. It confirmed that they had never ended their contact after both of them promised. It also provided pretty explicit details of their affair. After this, I confronted her several times asking if she had been talking to him, but didn't reveal the information I had. She absolutely denied any contact. Based on this new information and the continuing lies, I visited my lawyer the week before Christmas and got the paperwork moving. I felt that I had made the right decision and was at the point where I was detached and looking forward to the new year. She should be served within two weeks. She was unaware that I had filed.
So that put me at about the point where you are now. So this morning I read your recent post and was going to respond with a positive story.
Last night after sleeping in the spare room for about two weeks, the W comes into our bedroom and wakes me at around midnight. She wants to sleep in our bed. I agree and notice that she seems to be crying. I ask her what is up and she tells me that she is unsure of what she is doing. She hates to see how the WAS's are criticized on this board and she doesn't want to be that type of person. She wants to be happy and to see me happy. She wants to see the family stay together. After talking for awhile, we end up ML. First time in five long months. It's great, and now I think that things have really taken a turn for the better. But what to do about filing???
Unfortunately, I didn't have to worry about that aspect too long. We just had a talk tonight. I asked why she had come into the bedroom. She told me that it was because the holidays had been rough and she just wanted some affection. I told her that I had filed. I told her that we could really give our R a shot, or let the filing go through. I told her that I knew that she had still been in contact with OM. She denied it. I told her that I had evidence. She denied it. I mentioned several specific things from the message log. She denied it. Finally, I told her how I knew. That I had found the logs. She got angry. So here I am. I am done also. I told her that she will be served sometime next week and that we need to talk to the kids about it. What should we tell them, she asked.
Just the truth...
Mommy doesn't love Daddy anymore and she wants to get divorced. It was nothing that you kids did wrong. We both still love you and will always be your parents. We just won't live together.
Mark, You've been a great source of inspiration to many people on these boards. Just know that I'm walking the same path as you and we will be just fine. I've already made a great list of 2008 resolutions and am looking forward to a great year.
