On the drive home from work today, it occurred to me that I am responding from a position of weakness. Being concerned with her actions flies right in the face of the advice I give to all the noobs here. I need to be strong and confident. My happiness is contingent upon neither her love for me nor her relationship with her boyfriend. I am a successful, attractive, desirable man.
As I said before, the line forms to the left... Queue up peacefully, now... No shoving...
Also, I have made clear to her that, when we tell the kids we are divorcing, we will not say, "We have decided to divorce." It will be on her. In fact, I told her my line to the kids will be, “Mom is not happy, and she believes that she will be happy if she divorces me.” Her blood ran cold when I told her this. However, she knows that it's accurate. She also knows how superficial and selfish it sounds. Because it is.
Hi Mark,
You know she is being an a$$ but your kids need to know that you both love them and while you are both imperfect, it doesn't serve any purpose to point out the other parent's faults to the children. Don't tell the kids that it's mum's idea. It will come back to bite you. It will hurt the kids unecessarily. Your wife will feel attacked adn will defend. It may get ugly adn you don't want that in front of your kids. Take the high road.
Mark- I have to respectfully disagree with L.T. partially anyway. I think you need to be honest with your kids. If the divorce is in fact her idea and she does not want to work on your marriage, the kids, at least the older ones deserve to know that their did did not want this and that their dad took the high road. I learned from my 16yo son last week that he is well aware of what role the OM has in my CW's life. They are smart.
I have told my kids that this is my wife's idea. I went into it deeper with S16 than S6, but none the less I told the truth. With S6, he said to me once, "I wish you and mom still lived together." I wasn't about to lie to him. I simply told him, "I do too. Unfortunately your mom doesn't want to."
You are a good man Mark. Continue to be a good man. Continue to stand tall and be the rock that your kids need.
God Bless.
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
