I'm a newbie-H is MLC-Lovely!!!

[MrsLBW]

Thank you all for your thoughts. I have wanted him back for so long and that is what have been working on since June. But lateley, during the holiday season I have been thinking about all of the things that he has said to me in anger. I am remembering all of the times that he has spoken to me that way over the years and I have to wonder, is this really worth fighting for? Do I really want to get back together for the sake of the girls. They seem really well adjusted. There is no anger in the house. We are really fine without him. Financially it will be difficult if we get legally separated, but if I stay with him just so he will support us, what does that say about me?

Once I let him go, I have felt calmer. I don't check his cell phone bill activity anymore. I don't call his sister and press her for info anymore. I can be in the house alone while he has the kids and I don't sit and cry like I used to. I look at him and think that I may have a better life without him. He hasn't treated me with respect for YEARS!!! He spoke to his friends and strangers with more respect than he EVER did with me. He was never abusive, but he also wasn't kind. I have had a very difficult medical history (thyroid cancer, miscarriage, back surgery) and I felt that he was never THERE for me. Physically he was, but emotionally he left me cold. During my first pregancy I asked him to not drink along with me, since I, of course, could not and he laughed and said "yeah, right!" He doesn't get drunk every night- but the night I went into labor he was toasted. He fell asleep while timing my contractions. I threw the watch at him and made him take a shower before driving me to the hosptial! Lovely memory of my first pregnancy, right?

I guess if I've lost that fight in me, I shouldn't be on this board, huh?

Thanks,
Gin