well, all hell broke loose, it is over and done

[limbo]

Cat,

I know how hard this is for you, and it is such a hard situation with the way that the H are with the way they feel, I remember my family dr telling me that the guilt was literally killing him.
It is so hard to stand by and not be able to make it right for them, all I could do it let him know I was there. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
Also when you aren't sure what they are going to do, it eats at you to, Take care of you...I know that its so hard, but think of you!

[cat03]

thanks limbo :), glad things are going great with you and that you H has turned around, at the same time as I pray for those of us who are in a crucible I also thank God for people like you who's M has taken a turn for the better.

Feeling very VERY emotional, it's not quite that time of the month yet but I feel like crying a lot, I think the whole mess has just started to sink in, didnt' help that some things at home/kids went awry yesterday and today so I"m in a bad mood, H just left, we were supposed to eat together at my lunchroom at work but he came too early, wasnt' hungry, we talked a bit, he did try to stay a bit (he usually would leave right away).
Must find some dark chocolate or something, i'm ubber sensitive right now, like a big baby, pout and all :P

Well, at least it is friday

[SweetRedd]

Hi Cat, Just got caught up on you. So much has happened on your roller coaster! I just want to comment on your bringing the good man back for the kids' sake. I don't know if you remember my sitch or not, but this is what we went through. H got to such a low spot he needed help to get to a stable place. No way was I going to allow my kids' father deal with his emotional breakdown alone, no matter how much he hurt me. He stayed with me in a separate room for awhile until I knew he was going to be all right. We separated for a year because of all that happened, our R was too toxic for both of us. We needed the time and space. He spent most of his time alone and feeling bad for all that he'd done and lost. This was best though because I didn't have to deal with all the emotions he processed coming out of his depression. Along the way he didn't forget who helped him and loved him when he was in crisis. His feelings of friendship and love returned for me and he got a good taste of life without his family. Since we've reconciled things have gotten better. H is back and actually a better man that he was before. His feelings of love are back too. He described how he felt during his crisis. he said he knew that he "should" love me and that those feelings were there, he was just unable to feel them. Once he was treated for his depression and back in touch/able to deal with his emotions his brain could access all the feelings that he thought were gone. Umm.. including anger, but that's another chapter

Good luck!

Sheila

[cat03]

hey Sheila! wow, long time no see)))))))
How eerily similar, I have thought of S seriously, but I guess I'm afraid that he'll just separate farther from everyone, not just me, and just end up a wreck. S do make you appreciate what you have. Hope his new T helps him with his depression,he actually has dysthimia, a milder form of depression but more chronic, lasting as much as 2yrs, that pretty much sums up my H.

I'm so happy for you))))

[peaceful_spirit]

Cat,
Your H cannot see clearly right now. You just continue to keep your focus clear. Make decisions that are right for you and your kids.

He is not out of the woods yet. This will require some work on his part and some patience on yours.

[cat03]

Feeling much much better today. I forget to hang on to God when I loose it (or about to). I love love my bible quarterly about trials, I'll read it and re-read it often. One piece of advice I was forgetting was that when your mind is assaulted with awful feelings, thoughts, despair and misery you must praise God, your mind can't be controlled by negative thoughts while you are praising him, there is no room for dark thoughts, that's how I kept from going insane last week.
H seems a bit stable on the outside, will see his new T on thursday and I hope this time he doesn't hide his demons but fight them.

I wish you all a wonderful blessed new year's and that this new year we continue moving forward and knowing that we have done our best and that we have no regrets about not trying hard enough.

[whapu]

Cat,
I am slinging a toast of whatever you deem your favorite beverage for the new year. I hope this upcoming year only has fruits of victory for you and your family. It has been hard earned and well deserved...peace

[Aud31]

Cat honey--just wanted to send over my love today--you are totally right that turning your attention to God will rid yourself of the dark thoughts. Thanks for sharing that--I think I'll go close myself in my room with Him for a few minutes today. I wish you peace and joy in the new year!

[cat03]

thanks guys had a good New Years, at my family's , H had to work and his cell couldnt' get a call through, so I couldnt' even talk to him, but I was going to have a good time anyways.

Relearning the art of letting go, of stop hovering, though this time around the trust will take an extra slow time in coming back.

[peaceful_spirit]

You are detaching. Good for you. It is critical to your mental health.