Some of the advice you have been given may seem very blunt. It is. You won't often see us handle an apparent newcomer this way, at first. Seeing now how long you have been living with the enemy and your military history, the financial matters, you have been given some appropriately blunt information.
I would add a tactic to separating and protecting financials and valuable records. A trusted family member or very very close friend can use your fifty dollars untraceable cash to secure a bank box at their bank in their name. You don't have to disclose it on a list of personal or marital assets in a filing if it comes to that, jsyk. You can have a signature card and key, but that doesn't make it yours to disclose. What you put in their and fail to disclose as an asset, now there is the concern.
As for going to the MC. Maybe she does start unloading on everything that is wrong with you. Anything new expected there? Probably not. Let her go, cheer her on. Let her know how important it is to you to know these things because you want nothing more in life than to start over on the right foot.
The MC will reign her in if she gets totally whacked out. Here is the rub. At what point do you actually ask her if she feels it is just too little too late? MLCers depend on this declaration when they can't break you down but they want out. "Too little too late."
It is ok to fall on your sword, here, use mine too. It is ok to take the beating. If there is a chance in hell, then it is up to you to take on the troubles of the world and try to make things better. But she has to honestly be willing to let that happen. If she says you are short and you grow, is she going to say you grew too much? And yes, many MC only know what they are told.
If the MLCer says they want out, the MC knows that in most states that is all that is required for a D. They also know when someone is wanting to try, and is willing to try. Look to the MC to help flush this out of her. If she is too far gone and just wants out, you will hear this soon enough.
If that is the case, you are not losing the woman you remember in your dreams. That person could already be living on another planet with no wish to return. You have heard stories here already of the MLCer living out of control and becoming impossible to reconcile with. If that trouble comes your way, you will also learn one day how to say "Too little too late."
Their newfound world often implodes. Often it does not happen until you have been suitably destroyed beyond any expectation of personal recovery. But you do. And you look forward. You tune out the background noise of their destruction. Hang in there. Let us know how we can help. We do have kid gloves. We can discuss most of the books on self improvement. We memorized them. We can sit quietly and pray with you or mediate. These things fuel many of us these days. Or, we can share drink recipes.
