I just want you to consider one thing: Does your wife's behavior/attitude have anything to do with you?
Most likely not - She has typically been pretty vocal when I'm doing something wrong, or pushing her too much. We were very into hugging/kissing/ILY back in October, and she told me that the 'romantic stuff makes me uncomfortable'. Not had any of that recently - She wasn't too excited about me touching her boobs one night, but she didn't get mad
Originally Posted By: Just_Me
When you wrote about your wife's silence and all that, you wondered if you were pushing too hard. You wondered whether you should do something different. Fair enough, but I'd be willing to bet that whatever is on her mind isn't about you. I might not bet much, but I'd bet. I can't tell you how many times I was wrong to think I knew my wife's mind. But even if I was right, focusing too much on her doesn't really help. It keeps you locked in your wife's world. You are swirling around her rather than following your own heart. I think it wouldn't hurt to take a day or two off from her. Maybe get away to see a friend and have some fun. Just a thought.
I totally agree - I actually felt a great deal of relief when I read your post. After this morning I decided not to talk to my W anymore - If she wanted to talk to me, I would, but I wouldn't initiate contact with her. Did pretty well all day until about 10 minutes ago when she IM's me to let me know she still sick and she has a bad cough... No idea why she decided to tell me that - I've seen her every other day for the last two weeks and she's coughed all those times
Weird thing just happened - W called asking if she could pick up her new insurance card from me (we share insurance through my work), because she needs to refill her antidepressant prescription. I told her where it was at my house and that she could just go and get it. She seemed really disappointed when she found out I wasn't home already. Weird.
Originally Posted By: Just_Me
I personally think it has to do with this OM. She lied to you buddy when she was actually seeing this guy. Does she know you are aware it was a lie? I would wonder if her response is a mix of guilt and also just thinking about this guy. Until he's completely out of the picture, you won't get past the final hurdle. You've usually downplayed the relationship to me, but from personally experience I think it's possible for your spouse to have divided interests. I can't help but feel that right now you are the guy she's keeping around, with hugs, kisses, and ILYs if necessary (although she obviously has feelings for you), while still wondering what-could-have-beens about this other guy. That's just my impression. When she gets over this little infatuation, which is only strengthened because he's young, more unobtainable than you (face it Brit, you are a given), and maybe more mysterious, I think there won't be so much foot-dragging about coming back to you.
OM is definitely a significant factor - Whether it is a private obsession, friendship or something more, the once instance when she was physically removed from him after a 'fight' for a week she actually wanted to work on our M. Came home crying on a Friday afternoon, told me she "I wish I loved you like I used to" and went off to TX for a week for work. Came back "Not sure what our R is right now, but I want to take it slow". Told me she missed me and that she wanted us to separate, but still 'date'. Lasted about 3 days until she was back at work with him, then she totally fell apart and yelled and screamed at me for about a week before we kind of leveled out to where we are. Of course, we basically do everything she wanted us to do - Do dinner together, spend days on the weekend together, go out to movies or whatever together. Wonder what would happen if I asked her out to a movie and for D to stay at the IL's for a night. Maybe I'll do that just for the hell of it.
I just need to stick it out until the OM thing dies off. No idea what a 21yr old would find interesting about a 35yr old with a kid. Of course, my W acts like she's 25 recently when she's not around me.
Tonight I'm going over to a friend's for dinner - Need to get out of the house and be around people for a change. Friend is a girl, but there's nothing going on there. I've got no intentions at all to start dating or getting involved with anyone.
