What has happened over and over again on this BB is that when the HD partner can dispassionately see the LD partner as that "guy in the bar showing no interest" then the HD partner is able to clearly signal "moving on" at which point everything changes.
I don't think that is exactly true. I wasn't the HD in my R. I think what it takes is one person who is willing to break the habitual cycle... the same repetitive patterns of bad R behavior that set up a power imbalance.
When either person says... 'hello, not doing this any more,' change occurs. But you have to, in fact, actually STOP doing the behaviors.
As Hairdog says, hit the Reset Button.
You may feel 'dispassionate,' but quite honestly, that is probably a healthy thing... for you are no longer feeling desperate for a 'fix' from the supplier. You can learn to be with the person again. Or not. Either way, you are free of the struggle, and free to once again be yourself.
The 'Addiction' is broken. But in overcoming addictive behavior, one must put in place new behaviors so as to increase chances of not relapsing. Hopefully, that is what LFL and Mr. LFL will do.
I can already see it in Hairdog... and I gotta tell you, him NOT initiating sex the minute his moratorium was up... impressed the he!! out of me. I've never wanted someone to succeed so much in all my life.
I've never wanted someone to succeed so much in all my life.