What steps have you taken to get to a marriage counselor. I think even going alone - at first, hopefully she'll follow - would be really helpful. You need some SUPPORT.
I think you might try "going dark." Get the hell away from her for a bit and do some things that make you happy. I don't think she's intentionally pulling your strings, but she's got her own stuff to wallow in, and it's just pulling you down. You've tried what you know to do, so just pull back for a while. See if your absence brings about a different response from her.
