Tired and giving up

[fooled again]

Luv,

I have been reading your post and I am so sorry for what you have had to go through. I hope you are feeling somewhat better now, physically. You have to take good care of yourself for yourself and for your children.

If it is any consolation, had I been in your shoes, I would have done exactly the same thing - I would have snooped (good for you for keeping the bag - I don't know if I would have had the guts to do that!).

I guess we each have to decide at what point we are no longer willing to take any more, when our S has pushed us to that place where whatever love we had for them has been completely overshadowed by their cruel, demeaning treatment of us. I wonder myself where that point is for me now, b/c I thought I had reached it 3 mos ago. But ultimately detaching completely is the only way to move on and take control of our lives and show them that enough is enough. It does not mean you have failed - it simply means that you have accepted that they are not capable of seeing anything but their own wants and needs.

Reading your post today reminded me of so many similarities w/ my H, the continued lying and the misguided, fantastical notion he had (has) that he could keep doing what he was doing and get away with it and I would continue to suck it up and pretend it wasn't happening, smiling sweetly and enabling him, praying for him to come home to me. What an incredible ego boost. I suppose that there are just some men that will continue to take and take like children until there is nothing left.

Your post has reminded me why it is so important to detach and by detaching we get closer to that place where our S's actions cannot hurt us anymore, since they are ultimately doing this to themselves.

You have every right to inform and protect yourself and the snooping has given you what you need to decide how you will live your life from TODAY. Start to really, honestly create your own life and let him burn himself out. Whatever happens is out of your hands now - you really need to think of yourself.

I will be thinking of you.

FA