A theme that I'm pulling from several of the situations here that applies to me personally is "focus on making YOURSELF happy". Now, I am not entirely familiar with your sitch, Cemar, b/c folks tend to post to you and already know most of your background, so if you're not having sex at all or it is seriously strained, I realize you are so starved, this is difficult to see past, but one of the most productive things I kept reminding myself of lately was the advice given to me to just focus on what makes me happy and this in turn will make H happy. It has been working.
One of the most NONPRODUCTIVE things my H used to do was depict me in a frigid/nonsexy light. Boy, if I was having issues showing my sexuality, telling me how unhappy he was with our sex life was the most detrimental thing in the world.
She has it very clear in her head that she is not measuring up to your wishes. You've probably openly discussed this, right? It makes her feel like crap, I'm guessing. She probably falls back on all the reasons she is justified in not having a great sex life with you, she's tired, you two fight too much, it's not like it was in the old days and she keeps repeating this stuff in her head making you out as the bad guy, worsening the whole situation. You are likely doing the same thing.
SHELVE your expectations if at all possible and focus on the good. See what comes of it.
