I just want you to consider one thing: Does your wife's behavior/attitude have anything to do with you?
When you wrote about your wife's silence and all that, you wondered if you were pushing too hard. You wondered whether you should do something different. Fair enough, but I'd be willing to bet that whatever is on her mind isn't about you. I might not bet much, but I'd bet. I can't tell you how many times I was wrong to think I knew my wife's mind. But even if I was right, focusing too much on her doesn't really help. It keeps you locked in your wife's world. You are swirling around her rather than following your own heart. I think it wouldn't hurt to take a day or two off from her. Maybe get away to see a friend and have some fun. Just a thought.
I personally think it has to do with this OM. She lied to you buddy when she was actually seeing this guy. Does she know you are aware it was a lie? I would wonder if her response is a mix of guilt and also just thinking about this guy. Until he's completely out of the picture, you won't get past the final hurdle. You've usually downplayed the relationship to me, but from personally experience I think it's possible for your spouse to have divided interests. I can't help but feel that right now you are the guy she's keeping around, with hugs, kisses, and ILYs if necessary (although she obviously has feelings for you), while still wondering what-could-have-beens about this other guy. That's just my impression. When she gets over this little infatuation, which is only strengthened because he's young, more unobtainable than you (face it Brit, you are a given), and maybe more mysterious, I think there won't be so much foot-dragging about coming back to you.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
