Confusion of a WAW (Thread 5)

Sorry about the big bag of suck Brit. My H was very withdrawn the last couple of days. I'm guessing that w/ the New Year the WAS are trying to think. I'm speculating that their confusion is just swirling around in their heads. Maybe that is why your W lied about being w/ the OM. Wow watching a movie at his house, wait his MOM'S house. I am guessing that W didn't have much fun at all. My h left on NYeve at 8 and I have no idea where or what he did. H was so sick that night that I'm assuming he just went somewhere and slept.

I have no idea what is going on with my W - On one hand she is very thoughtful and affectionate with me. On the other, she hasn't been talking to me much recently and has been keeping to herself a lot. We are really out of routine with D, plus we've not been doing our usual dinner evenings together. Not sure if we'll get back on track with that or not. Tonight is usually my night with D, but W is going to take her instead.

This morning I decided to go and get D from W's house because the weather is bad. W would have to drive 25miles south to daycare, then 25 miles north to her office - Probably a 3hr round trip in the snow. I called W about 6:30 and told her I was on my way to get D - She was still pretty sleepy, so just said 'okay'. When I got there D was ready for school, but W looked like she had just crawled out of bed. I ended up cleaning the snow off W's car and helping her get a few things together since I had some extra time.

I spent some time playing with D, but W was really quiet. Hug/kiss/ILY when I left. Seems like she's got an awful lot on her mind recently. I don't get why she's so cold with me sometimes, but will grab my butt when I leave her house, or initiate hugs and kisses when we're together.

Now you know me well by now Brit and you know I make more than my share of mistakes. But it does seem to me like you have been contacting W more and more lately. I agree with you that it is time to lay off. I'm glad you sent the e=mail to you instead of W.

I think it goes along with the whole "do what works" - Right now, talking to her doesn't yield a very positive result, so I'm going to back off a lot. It's hard, because we usually talk all the time - Even until last week. Seems like something happened on Monday that made her really clam up. She was fine during the day, but when we went to her parents in the evening, she didn't say a word. Hour long journey in the car each way - Usually we talk a lot on that trip. That night - pretty much dead silence.

I maybe was contacting W too much, but they were always very positive, so I didn't see the harm in it. Maybe I over did it at some point.

As for the journals, I admit I would have done the same. One thing I read into it is that it is confirmation that your W's problems are much deeper than your R. She really needs a lot of help and she isn't getting that yet.

Absolutely - She's been suffering from depression for as long as she can remember, but never did anything about it. While she is on anti-depressants right now, she has said a few times that she doesn't feel they have any real effect beyond 'taking the edge' off it. We'll see what happens with it all - I don't think she goes back to her psych until mid-Feb.

I think I need to reassess my DB'ing - What I was doing was nice while it lasted. W and I were having a good time together, and it was all very consistent. I guess it just wasn't going to work long-term. Maybe it's time to get the book out again and try to do something different and see what happens.

I have a hard time believing that my W will file for anything (she didn't file legal separation like she said she was going to), so at least I have time on my side right now.