Find something new you like to do. I know that's easier said then done, but try out a few things. Keep working on detaching. Today sounds like a good start
Both of you are right...it is easy to throw the phone out of reach or drive off in her face. Completely different to spend the rest of the day not thinking about how simple it'd be to solve our problems. It is so easy to dream...maybe a week...a month...oh I can do wait until...but it doesn't GAL. I know it is all about her feelings and she will say she is done. She has severed ties with anyone that would tell her to try. She is lonely, scared, and searching for happiness. And it stinks that, I cannot talk to her unless she wants to. It does not matter how I think this instant. Until she is willing, I could just as well talk to the wall to my left. It'd be the same result.
As far as GAL, that is problematic in this rural area. A few things I am going to do 1) go watch new National Treasure (30minutes away) 2) do something at a church 3) dance class (if bank account will allow it) 4) continue to do for 5D. (priority one, regardless of $) 5) take a trip (not likely, with $ draining)
My biggest problem is that none of these things will define me. Involvement in a hobby or activity will not get me a live. Heck online chess was a problem. I do not want solo hobbies. I do not want temporary fixes. I want new friendships and companionship and a movie just isn't going to do it long term. The opportunity to do anything with WAW would be it, but without her going to an opera just doesn't sound like a life. You get my point. I need to find things just for me. Heck, even being on this site everyday is counter to that objective.
I called MIL on New Year's eve got machine and hung-up. She called me back. I told her happy new year's, but I wanted to show her detachment from WAW and this I did very well. We talked about what 5D and I had been doing. I asked about her health, her son, some of her relatives. Told her about things I was getting involved in such as dance class, people I was meeting, and enrolling 5D in ballet. I was able to tell her how I discovered why I've been unhappy for years and what I was doing now to insure my happiness. She would comment good often. All things that she will tell WAW, but I cannot do. So, I took my one-day opportunity to have a great conversation with MIL. I told her that I missed her, that she was very important to me, and hoped her new year's goes well. More things that are important to WAW. My WAW's name never came up. Doesn't necessarily get the WAW to call me but maybe I get a brownie point.
Sure hard not wanting to be with WAW...Seems so solvable, I guess the next question is how long do I stay dark...Anyone with pointers? A month?
Sounds like a good phone call to me. It's hard when have a good relationship with the ILs. That's my situation, but I feel sort of like I'm crossing a line by calling her folks. Sure do miss them though.
No idea on the dark. I usually try to take things day by day and then look back after a while to see what's changed.
Me:37 WAW:35 M:10 T:15 Ds:9, 5 She Dropped Bomb:9/02/07 Both still at home
Well, to show moving on tried to log into old credit card account and to transfer my 1/2 of balance to new card...well turns out it has been paid. I am so sick of my WAW's aunt, probably, financing my destruction. I cannot see how this helps me. If nothing else, she has to get over the money borrowed and that isn't going to happen.
Oh, and furthermore, she doesn't even have an account with the bank we were using anymore.
Clear, she is doing everything she can to separate from me. I hate it. Just really aggravates me. And she cannot even give a reason. This is a nightmare of bull.
Well, I figured out she transferred credit card debt in her name a month or so ago, I have access to my card but obviously not hers. I just do not see how things could turn so bad so fast...Everyone says to move on. I don't want to...but perhaps they have been right all this time...I cannot believe I am in this frickin' sinking boat...Darkness and detachment one way or the other I'll get my life back. Sure hope I can have it with my 5D and maybe her.
Hang in there. Maybe she's just asserting a little more independence in the form of finances. From what I gather in reading, this is a step to getting herself in a better place...which could be a step in the direction we're all hoping for.
Stay positive. 2008 will be the year of the turnaround. I believe it for both of us.
Me:37 WAW:35 M:10 T:15 Ds:9, 5 She Dropped Bomb:9/02/07 Both still at home
I also have to remember that she asserted these measures of financial separation months ago. It is not like it happened yesterday, I just learned about it yesterday. I was wrong about bank account. It is still there. I do hope and pray that the darkness will put us both in a better place. I learned from a mutual friend that 2 weeks before this happened she wanted to have another baby and now we are miles apart. From one extreme to the other. Just does not make sense to not try. More time, prayer, etc...
One thing I am going to do is beginning looking for a house to buy with 5D. This is something I've wanted for a long time. It will show WAW that I am moving on and give 5D something to talk about while I am dark.
A friend pointed out to me the other day that everything she is doing is a sign that she wants space. Of course, he also tells me to sue her and blah blah. Maybe this period of darkness will help. My birthday is at the end of the month and 5D is scheduled to be with WAW. So, maybe she will think about making contact.
On a positive, it sure was nice to here my wife say, "good morning" yesterday. She just called to find out how we were exchanging 5D. It was nice to hear the sweetness in her voice again. I started to text her this information the night before. So, she had to initiate contact. Felt good to provide her the opportunity to make contact for a change. Perhaps, she will do that again soon with me on her mind.
Hi tryingman & jmw! I just registered and am making my debut post. It's nice having this "portal" to actively share stuff. I am trying to cope w/ WAW. For the last yr or more I have been the pursuer (always chasing)and while it may have prolonged our marriage, I am seeing it did nothing to strengthen it. So, I am doing giving it all I've got to cease chasing W. It sure seems for me that stopping the chasing is an easier step than GAL. But I guess that is the next step for me. The first of many posts fm me I am sure. May peace & the Lord's blessings fill everyones day.
