did i mention that my wife has been sleeping with a pillow between us, because she tells me that she needs something to hold during the night, and i am too hot(temperature wise)? i call it the separation pillow, and i tell her that it's a metaphor of creating a wall between us, and she says that i am making something out of nothing. i can't even roll over and hold her because she is also so far away on the other side of the bed! i said that maybe i'd be better off sleeping in the guest room. she said that's ridiculous.
W and I still sleep in separate rooms, except maybe once a month. I am of two minds on this. On the one hand, I think that we might have spontaneous sex if we are sleeping together (doesn't happen). On the other hand, I really sleep much better alone. Also I'm not a huge fan of cuddling while sleeping - I mean what's the point, we're asleep! And I snore, which W hates.
I would take your W at her word. Her pillow is just a pillow.
What I crave is intimacy, preferably during waking hours. A lot of that intimacy can occur in the company of others, but some must be just between the two of us.
A relationship without sex is like a plant with water and sunshine, but no fertilizer. Thrives for a while, but a slow painful death is inevitable. A gross, but apt, metaphor.
maybe it's just a pillow and i am reading too much into it. i also get a better night's sleep in another room, but ironically, she gets upset when i sleep in the guest room (i only go there if i cannnot sleep, and need to turn the tv on.) that's the confusing part: i get intimace during daylight hours, but nothing when it comes to the bed. yet i saw a sex therapist on tv yesterday, and she said that a couple should have sex every two weeks--which is close to the norm for me. maybe it's i that has the problem. i just don't know anymore. i also agree with you about cuddling at night: it only creates frustration. i just don't know if i am asking for too much. maybe it's me who is the selfish one, but it's just doesn't seem to be natural anymore.
Not sure what the therapist meant by it is only needed every two weeks. Maybe she/he meant that, at a minimum, or that the "average" couple did it every two weeks. But don't let that make you think the problem is yours. I firmly believe that there is no magic number, but rather, the issue is one of mismatch. If you have two LD people and they are both happy with once a month, then that is an appropriate number. If you have two HD people and they are both happy with once a day, that is an appropriate number. The problem comes in when those two couples switch spouses, so to speak.
PF
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
true, but after reviewing my calendars from the past year, i have come to realize that i have sex 1-3 times a month,which i figure would average 2.5 times a month. but let me just say that in order for me to get it more than once a month, i have to pull teeth, so the sex really isn't good as compared to when i get it that one time right after her period. it's rare if i get it more than twice a month; it's even uncertain getting it twice a month. twice a month occurs two weeks after our first time. it may be the norm, but it still feels like once a month, because even when she gives it to me the second time, it feels as if i am asking for so much from her! that's the real problem: she making all kinds of excuses, making it seem as if she has to lay cement, always telling me lets make it a quickie.
