Survived is I guess the best way I can describe it. I believe I let my emotions get the best of me a few times. I wanted to badly to get something or some real loving that I lost it a few times and had my freak out episode. All in all I think that it was ok, and very spartan as usual.
We did not talk much, either R or any other talk. I think that she does not want to bring anything up so then if I don't say anything I get blamed. I still sense the moments when I have to be blamed in a way, that it was my poor behaviour and whatever that led her to the A and all that. It hurts so much to be blasted that I shut down, I just have to learn how to deal with it and also that it is not the real woman talking to me in those situations.
I will try and start the new year with a fresh new outlook and trying the hardest not to be so darn emotional.
One thing as part of the freak outs was the my W said she will probably never be friends with the OM again, sad but true I guess, and I do hate him more and more which is also something I have to deal with. We were friends before this happened, and now the mere thought of him makes me ill.
I think that the new year will be better and I take my small victories as in when my W talks about long term plans, and it is all as a couple so that must count for something.
I wish everyone here a happy new year and obviously one filled with true love and happiness.
