Actually... W never texted. It was one of my W's friends. She was a little of a double agent when this started, until I called her on it. Then she wouldn't talk to me anymore.
I believe she meant to text my W (same last name) but was too blitzed to figure out it was me she was texting.
Anywho.. near 7:30 on a school night and no word from W. I'm a little concerned. I am not contacting her though. Resolution for me.. absolutely no contact initiation. I would be more concerned if this was out of the norm for her. She's blown the nightly kid call several times. I'm wondering if she'll use the old "I tried to call but your phone must be messed up!!" SIL just called.. so I know it works!!
Jar...I found that not contacting W really helped me. It helped in the detachment process, recently she began contacting me and saying she wants to get back together.
Go dark man.
Hurtin: 32 WAW: 30 D: 8 Bomb: 10/05 Sep: 12/05 Back together 8/07 Bomb (OM): 11/07 Filed for D (me): 12/07
So.. snow this morning and COLD!!! The thermometer on the car said it was 8. Driving the D's to school was a little edgy, but we got there OK.
W looked like hell. I was dressed up for a meeting.. Khaki's, dress shirt, tie, suit coat... looking good. She said "you look good" I played it off and she repeated the compliment. I said "Thanks".
She evidently has strep throat (D5 had it and got a shot last week for it.)and isn't feeling good.
I told her I had to go downtown for a meeting and I couldn't stay long.. this is always an issue because she doesn't respect my time. She told me to be careful several times.. unusual for her.
Went to leave and again she needed more of my time.. I told her I needed to go.. it was about schedules. I told her we'd talk later.
Interesting note... when I dropped D5 off, I noticed that OM's kids name was missing from D5's cubby. They shared a cubby due to names being close. I asked W if OM's kids were still there and she said no.. evidently his ex W pulled them from the school and they are now attending school where her and her new husband live.
I thought there was something going on... his time with his kids has been limited. I'm a little pissed as I had asked MIL if he still had his kids.. she said she didn't know. I now know that's BS, because that's something W wouldn't keep from MIL.
Wonder how this will play into the scenario. I played the info off.. didn't show emotion either way. Just said "Oh.. OK." W had a little bit of a smile like she was waiting for me to react. It went away when I didn't.
I played the info off.. didn't show emotion either way. Just said "Oh.. OK." W had a little bit of a smile like she was waiting for me to react. It went away when I didn't.
I guess I forgot to look at the positive side to that info. Now that OM's kids are no longer attending the school, I don't have to worry about them caravaning in the mornings (D5 told me there were times when D5 and OM's son would ride in his car while D3 and his daughter would ride in W's car) and it's one of the aspects of reconciliation (should that ever occur) that I don't have to worry about.
She was like a High Schooler when OM would drop or pick up kids from school. That's also some time together lost.
Also.. MIL just called to ask about what kind of insurance we have... she's scheduling a counseling appt for the W.
Careful Jar. I would feel better if W were scheduling her own counseling appt. It would mean that she is acknowledging a problem. I'm encouraged that mommy dearest believes your W has a problem, but unless your W decides she needs some help she might only be going to satisfy mommy. Having been through that process myself, I can tell you that psychotheraby can be extremely helpful to someone who wants to make changes. I hope your W goes into it with a sincere desire to change.
Be that as it may...you did a fantastic job not reacting to your W's little game this morning. You're letting her problems be hers. That can be truly liberating.
I understand what you're saying, but sometimes in Jar's posts, it sounds like his W is used to having things done for her. Jar, is it possible that she does want the counseling, but is again having someone else do all the work for her?
Don't mean to offend, just seems like you've mentioned before that she was used to getting her way and having things done for her.
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
SueS... that's exactly what it is. She has agreed many times that she needs counseling. She just doesn't do it. That's big for her all over the place. Her mom schedules appointments for her all the time. Dr, lawyer, it was her mom that stepped up and sold the mare. I can understand why W dragged her feet with that, but it fits her profile. Oddly enough, she is quick to schedule the D's for the Dr. I do like that.. she has good instinct there. Not too often she will schedule an appt for them and nothing is wrong. Uncanny really.
It all goes back to her being immature.. she's never grown up and been responsible for herself. That's her and her mother's fault.
Probably part of the issue between us.. there were times where I would try to make her accountable for herself.. she doesn't like it. Just a few quick examples:
Medication - both taking and refilling. She would go days before I'd figure out she was off and she'd say "Oh yeah.. I need them refilled" DR - would complain daily about stuff and never go to doc. School - Always wanted help with school (more like you do it and I'll turn it in.) Now has turned to buying papers online. Money - Spends it (on nails, etc) then complains when she has none.. borrows from Mom for groceries etc.
