Looking inside to fix yourself is extremely frightening, espcially if you have a poor sense of self to start with. If you have a beautiful car, or house, that needs work you will do it. But if it is a real wreck, then you can think, what is the point, and try a coat of paint.
This IS my husband to a T. He even has said that going to counseling was terribly hard word. AND that he KNOWS he has a hole but doesn't believe he can be fixed. I stated above that he has ego and PRIDE and HE DOES....but deep underneath the arrogance is a sweet little boy just aching with no sense of SELF.
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That is why in reconnection their approach to us is very tentative - in fact it is so slight we may not notice it. It is this that can make us too twitchy about 'signs' in the early stages of Replay. It doesn't matter if we miss the early signs of reconnection: in fact it might be better. Like watching for spring to come. There are false starts, and then we notice that there are several unmistakable signs. But like SPring, it happens in its own time. We can be stupid and take off our winter clothes too soon!.
What a great analoge. SPRING...and yes it does its own thing when it is ready. AND I LOVE LOVE LOVE the reminder that it might be better we don't notice
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and all would testify that it is hard. not for the fainthearted. We all think in the early stages how much we would like the opportunity . . . .
I smiled as I read this part. One thing I actually LIKE about myself is that I DONT give up. AND it seems that I have noticed something very important. Those whom the MLC'r have come back to tend to be very STRONG people who HAVE GROWN. AND ARE UP for the battle set forth AFTER they return. I have been AMAZED with the character and strength of these people. Absolutely amazed.
I am trying NOT to focus on the return for now because I truthfully believe it is very far out. BUT I do believe that he will come home. BECAUSE as I have said before WHEN GOD grabs ahold of him and he grabs back --- he will be broken and as he walks through that valley I will gladly walk with him. I have told him this...he knows me and knows the level of friendship that I offer those closest to me. I DONT QUIT on people
M-20 years/BOMB 12/24/06 Moved out 3/12/07 D final 7/30/2008 finding myself again
