I guess another point I would make is that making somebody else responsible for fulfilling a role in your fantasy is much like making somebody else responsible for your orgasm.
YES!! It is like a covert contract, sure... I guess I'm talking about the one step prior... how the covert contract is actually made...
I think that the very problem, many times, is that we are in the midst of our own fantasy, and we HAVE made the OP responsible for fulfilling the roles we've assigned them. But we haven't asked/told the other person that, and even further, we have not given them an opportunity to opt in or opt out. We don't even KNOW we're doing it. We just get pissed when they don't play the game right... because in MY fantasy, I'm supposed to get everything that I want, exactly as I want it... it's my fantasy, afterall, and it isn't hard AT ALL for you to do what **I** want.
That leaves absolutely no room whatsoever for reality... no room whatsoever for honesty.
As soon as LFL gave up her fantasy of how Mr. LFL should/shouldn't be... she could actually see him as his own person. She could see that there are things that potentially turn him on beyond the script she had written for him... things she may have never considered simply because she was too consumed with her own version of things (no offense LFL, BTDT, bought the t-shirt).
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For instance, it was great that GP actually growled at me but I was free to see him or not see him as "the panther" no matter what he did.
Exactly. It's easy to see when you are dating, because if you don't like how the other person is/isn't, you just move on. When married, the other person becomes the sole 'supplier,' and the more consumed we become about not getting what we want... the deeper into the fantasy we get... the further away from honesty/reality we get... the more desperate we get... and all of a sudden... boom... covert contracts.
