Tired and giving up

[LuvMyHusband]

Hi all,
Well, I have alot to say. Saffie is probably going to get out the big stick but who knows.

My H graced us with his presence for the holidays. Unfortunately everything went to hell in a handbasket starting Christmas Eve. I had felt that my H was lying to me about OW. He was distant and I guess it was just plain intuition. I caved and snooped. I checked his v/m on his cell phone and low and behold, there was a message from her thanking him for the Christmas gift he sent her. Just a few days before she had called our house going off on me which I calmly hung up on her. When I told H, he "couldn't understand why she would call when he hadn't been talking to her".

The next day went fine and then Weds. Weds evening I left to pick up S13 from the bus stop from a snowboarding trip. When I got back I noticed stuff piled up on the backseat of H's truck. (he never does this in front of me, only behind my back). When I asked a couple of questions, calmly and not accusing, he got really angry and stormed out of the house. He had made reservations to stay at a hotel when he came for his visit. Said he felt staying with us made it harder when he had to leave. He had arrived on Sunday and planned on leaving Thursday. Glad he could fit in 3 or 4 days for his kids after not seeing them for a month.

Well, I have epilepsy and stress is a trigger. I have had way too much stress. Later that evening I had a seizure and fell down the stairs. I hurt my knee, my back, hip and shoulder. Good friends came over to help until I was slowly functioning again. When H came back the next day he was upset bc he was not called. I said "why" you don't care about me, why should you be called. He ended up staying until yesterday.

He told me on Saturday that he called the OW Thursday evening and told her it was over, what happened to me, that he was going to be staying at the house, etc. He told her not to call him anymore. blah blah blah.

Anyway, either I have great intuition or he just isn't as good as liar as he thinks. While he was showering to leave, I went out to the truck. 1) I wanted to be sure he wasn't taking anything that was both of ours that I might want and 2) what was he hiding. He had stayed at our home for 5 days and never once brought in his suitcase. I unzipped the front flap of the suitcase, didn't even have to open the main compartment and there was a bag. That bag had several pairs of lingerie, 3 cards and some porn dvds. No, the lingerie was not my size. The cards said the following "I really like spooning with you in bed and I love forking with you even more", "you have a talented tongue" and "I was wondering if you would let me love you forever and ever". Freaking gag me.

I kept the bag. I wonder what he will think when he finds it missing. He doesn't even know I saw it. Anyway, I told calmly told him as he was leaving that I didn't want him to come back. That I am tired of his lies and bs and his blaming me for everything. I really am. He says one thing, does another. He has admantly stated that he has never met her or anyone else, that he has not had sex with anyone else. What bs! That stuff certainly wasn't for me!

Anyway, I could really use some support. I know I was snooping but I just really wanted to know the truth so that I can decide what my options are. He can do what he wants, I can't control that but I do get to decide whether or not I want to stay for the ride.