I was reading up on your thread (this one and your old one) and felt the need to respond. You are the only one who can decide what is right and what is wrong to do about your daughter but I am going to give my opinion.
I think you need to get her out of that house as soon as possible. Don't worry if she gets mad, she will get over it. If I stepped back every time I thought my daughters (ages 14 & 16) were going to get mad at me then I would never have a say in their lives. They get mad, they yell, they throw a tantrum and then they get over it. Once they realize they can't win the battle, they give up. Look back at when you were a teenager, didn't you get mad at your parents or someone older? You learn to deal with it. If she gets her way now then she is going to grow up thinking she can have it her way all the time. Do you want her to grow up like your step daughter? If you allow her to run your life as well as hers then she will.
You need to get her away from the drinking. My father drank but was not an alcoholic, he knew when to stop. My grandmother and uncle were both alcoholics. I remember growing up and spending the night at my grandmothers house when she was drunk (many times) and it isn't a pretty sight. She would yell and scream and was just plain mean and nasty. There were times when we had to call mom and dad to come get us because she would get a butcher knife out and chase my grandfather around yelling at him. I remember hiding under the table in the basement because I was scared. She and my uncle would get into drunken fights and it would scare me to death.
My uncle went into the service, was stationed in Germany, found a nice German girl and got married. We thought things were better for him. They weren't. He and his wife were expecting their first child. I remember him calling my mom on a Thursday telling her that the doctors thought they were having twins. On Saturday, my mom got the call that he was dead. He was drinking with his brother-in-law and they got into an argument and he was shot by his brother-in-law. He never got to see his son.
I am not saying your H is like that, just that your daughter does not need to be around it. You are the one in charge here, not her. She needs to listen to you. If your H gets upset and made, too bad. He needs something to wake him up and realize it is either his daughter or drinking. He is going to have to choose which one means more to him.
I know your apartment is tiny but you have to do what you have to do to survive. Don't let her walk all over you. Right now, she takes his side because she gets to do what she wants to do. He is not mentally around to tell her what to do. She feels like she is in charge. She needs someone to be in charge of her, that someone is you.
Amy, you know I am on your side. I just don't want to come onto this board or anywhere else and read something major has happened because of his drinking. Ask yourself, would you rather leave things the way they are and take a chance of losing your daughter for life or get her away from there and risk having her mad at your for a little while? I think you know what the answer is but you are afraid of uprooting her. Deep down you still have feelings for your H and you don't want to upset him. In the long run, you take your daughter and your H will respect you for it. He will realize it was his fault one day and thank you for protecting your daughter.
